Wednesday, October 31, 2012

These are the people I know I know . . V 2.

As you might know -   if you have tuned in here -  for the last, geez,  I don't know -  like FOREVER - I AM done working for "The Agents of Horrible Darkness" (that is just their pseudonym -bravotangowhiskey) - In T-minus 7 weeks. (or sooner if Sir D gets me THE scepter to his kingdom of GOODNESS :D )

Though I do have a few regrets - in human form.  One being . . .


I can talk about him because he doesn't have me on facebook.  He is a human I would take a bullet for.   really really.

He makes me laugh.  gasp.  and Frankly - glad to be alive.  this is a man that makes $10.83  an hour DRIVES over an hour to work in good weather (and that is on the freeway at 90mph!)  - has 3 children the court awarded HIM and brings me fresh eggs because he knows I like them and he has laying chickens (shut up.)

Just today he asked me how to spell shhhhh.  I told him gladly and completely unthinking - ME!  OMG =  no thoughts just answered!  without being condescending.  - ME!!!!

I guess I just want him to feel loved.

I hate leaving him without mama bear.  (aka me)  Though I perfectly know he does NOT need me to live breathe or function on any level.  He has done just fine for so so many years.  Still functioning- still above the green. but really!!???   UGH!

maybe it's me that needs him.  ugh. sigh.  it is.  it is.

I need to be reminded that smart isn't always the best thing.  not always.  I can't help who I am.  And really?  He would never apologize for who he is.  He just is.  And is loved.  a lot.

Though to be honest - I DO want better for him.  If I owned an up and coming company - B, D, Goldberg, My Mom and Sarrah would be my first employees. Because I know they could be trusted.  Still working on THAT company.

Few - very very few humans worm their way or just really - get into my heart. PERIOD  Goldberg just is.  This man offers to buy me sodas.  He makes 10.83 and won't often take my dollar .05.  I want to wrap him up and put him into a package to lounge like on the beach - forever.

He is one of the 3 that can come into my office for a time out and just be.  for a long time.  no question.  open invite.  come on in baby.

I actually forget he's there.  He can just be.  still.  No talking.  nothing required.  He just wants a safe place to chill.  I love that I'm that place.  He makes me smile. I'm not kidding when I say he is not educated.  I want to cry when I know that this is an American Dad.  A Father who went through the AMERICAN school system a few years (several) after me and can't read.  He can't spell - can barely read basic English and it makes me want to cry.  He is not retarded (sorry - Cognitively Impaired is now the correct term.  Can't say he fits that - but who am I to say. I just love him.) though I am going to see if he is dyslexic (cuz I fix things and if I can Fix this and leave it would be so self serving I'll wanna kiss myself!) My guess is no.  though.  mostly he is just hills of Virginia and not educated.  makes me want to puke when we have illegal Hispanic kids getting a better education in two languages than he got in his own . . . . but that's another rant.

I will more than miss him and will not lose him.  He's my Goldberg and I will keep him.

Hey Sarrah .  . Shhhhhh :D

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

No Sh't Sherlock

If you know me........      Really how many posts have started with that arrogant assumption?  too many,  I guess -  given that people who were not kindergarten mates are now actually reading what I say - I do have to stop adding that as a given.  You don't.  actually.  know me.  Thank you for tuning in.  It makes me smile.  I didn't have to play tag or even quarters with you to make you like me.  It's my wit and (IMHO) wisdom or more like I have stepped in enough shit enough times to know where to NOW avoid it that makes you wanna stick with me.  Thanks again.  And as Frank Sinatra said - "the best is yet to come."

Why do I love Sherlock Holmes?  hmmmm

And I am SOOOOO not referring to the Basil Rathbone version/era.

I might even like the "Young" movie from Years back (pre-Harry).  I guess I can answer my own question with the statement from the current BBC version with only 6 episodes that frankly I am savoring like an expensive one run wine that can never be had again. .  ......
     "Brainy is the new sexy."  um.  duh.  always has been.

I don't like skinny men yet Benedict Cumberbatch (yes that is his most unfortunate and SOOOO British of names) is smoking f'n hot in my book and yes I'm not stupid enough to think a man that pretty could possibly be straight or even that he is Sherlock Holmes yet he has me completely drawn in.  It is the aloof - smart man   thing.  I guess.  Still processing this.

Dr. Watson is so cute.  in that white man with blond hair who has no idea what he is doing with a girl sort of thing.   I so get him.

But really think of the character - the persona - who is Sherlock?   Crazy. Dangerous.  Drug addict - YES!

 Robert Downey Jr?. Gotta love that man in drag - even.

Suddenly Sherlock is all the rage.  why again?

Elementary on CBS with hot hot hot Lucy Lu!  Haven't seen it yet but will - thank you Ipad!

Until then.  yum.  I savor the last three episodes. . . . I love netfilix on an unholy level. . . .    

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Not Jack's

I've been running such a long time
I've been hiding from the truth
I've been battered, been broken, been buried
Now I'm death proof, death proof

And I've been known to take a big chance
But I can't waste another shot at redemption
Oh, I'm ready don't let me go passing through the wrong hands, wrong hands
My confidence is in crisis mode, your fingertips well they know the code

Release me ,take another piece of me and there won't be another left
C'mon release me, release me, take another piece of me
And there won't be another left unless you let go, unless you let go

I've been waiting for the sun to shine
Another winter ends, the winter's starting over
We met beside a land mine waiting for the wind to blow

Now I'm in trouble with these friends of mine
A change was in my blood, I lost my sense of direction
I dragged us to the bright light, life is like a TV show
My fuse is set, I'm pressing go, your match is lit but it's burning slow

Release me, take another piece of me and there won't be another left
C'mon release me, release me take another piece of me
And there won't be another left unless you let go

I'll be nothing but sand falling down through your fingers to the ground
Through your fingers to the ground below

Yeah I've been running, I've been running
I've been running such a long time

Release me and take another piece of me and there won't be another left
Try to believe me, release me take another piece of me
And there won't be another left unless you let go
Unless you let go . . .  

I was asked by an actual reader (gasp.  I really have those I guess!  omg.  Someone who I actually have never kissed, birthed, lived with or shared bread.  :D )  what my 5 reasons for wanting to be WITH someone were.

Okay.   here they are.

1)  I need someone who more than understands that I'm weird.  I mean Wisconsin weird.  Like we CAN and HAVE used the heater and AC on the actual same day.  I'm personally like that too.  I can be uber passionate and also don't even think of touching me in the same week.  yeah.  really.  It's a girl thing I guess.  Or WI girl - not sure.

2) I need someone who let's me just be,  for a while each day to write, breathe, knit, read, bathe (yes that CAN actually take over an HOUR!)

3) Who understands and gets on a cellular level who God -  with a capitol letter, is.  He isn't she.  He isn't allah - HE isn't anyone but Jehovah.   Jesus is part of the happy mix.  There may even be heavenly language but that may be pushing it.  basis being.  God is.  was.  always will be.  time is irrelevant.  'k

4) He must travel nicely.  There must be road music -  if in car.  if on plane - no scenes unless being proposed to in which case - carry on! :D  He must listen when given directions and not blame girl when she was asleep and they ended up in Arizona when trying to find area 51.  Pitstops to pee are okay if ALL involved are IN, otherwise we keep rolling (suck it back in my friend.)  just sayin.  unless the journey is part of the destination.  then pee at will.  Road food must be NON standard.  NO McD's If destination is part of the fun it better be weird, local and not something we have every week.  bring on the strange - baby!  traveling is supposed to take you away from your home - your norm.  If you won't try something new and different don't even! again just sayin.

5) We must be a united we.  We must, Must, MUST,  as a couple,  not undermine each other's authority as parents - as humans - as people.  Not with kids, friends, or anyone in the world.  If we are fighting it is just us.  We figure it out between us and move forward.  We have make up sex and move on.  But really fighting is not really necessary if the other 4 are in place.  most of the time.

People I so know that I am actually a knowitallbitch.  so um if you wanna be wit me see number one.  get that? then you get me.  I do have a very very hard time being wrong.  BUT here's the thing.  If I am, I do admit it.  I just strive for perfection.  I fall so far short it's actually funny but I do have a standard.  I try at least. I want these 5 and probably 25 others I'll write about - but for me these are the five intangibles.

I do know that I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo far from what anyone on the planet wants on a daily basis.  I just try to bring the new and fun to the party.  So, well dear reader you asked and here are my 5.  I'll bring the rest in.   later.  peace.

and yes.  the song is important.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

let's give em something to talk about....

or so so so NOT.

I was always the-in-your-face-here-it-is girl.  HAHAHAHAHAHA.  my HS/COLLEGE peeps are like - HUH?  NO YOU SO WERE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually,  I more was the covert WHO THE HELL AM I? girl.  I knew what I wanted but I was never gonna tell you. . . . cuz that was asking for something. who was I to - ask - for anything.  I was made of shit.  sorry.

flash forward.  I have a daughter who has that as dna.  OH man am I working to change things from the past fast and but quick.  When you personally see YOUR damage in your own child you fix it fast if you are paying attention.    My mom is smarter and more creative than she will allow herself to be.  Leave it say I come from creative crafty smart folk.  I just chose to also be educated.  My  sister could diagnose half the planet's mental illness.  let her - she rocks. If you are in the Atlanta GA area - ping me.  She will fix you fast.  She likes crazy people.  Her family is part of that.

I am actually NOT made of shit.  I am a strong woman.  shock. I know right?  I can run.  really fast as I learned today.  wow.  cool.  I won't kill your buzz since this is only me running against - um. me.  I'm just pleased. I've gotten 2 miles an hour faster since I started.  :D

So now random thoughts . . .

I was listening to Bonnie Raitt today.  she is so great.

I was also talking to a dear soul friend in need today.  If you have someone in a state of unsettled pain I will pray for you.  I kinda got this thing.  It's not really me (more a God thing) I'd love to do it - I feel things that most people think is crap but I know isn't.  I don't care what people think anymore.  when I find what you are missing that you asked me to find - suddenly I'm not a freak and just cool.  I don't care.  Freak or cool.  I'm just me.

I do really wish I'd picked music as a career.  I can sing or rather CLARIFICATION -I can mimic.  I SOOOOO don't write music - just words but I can mimic pretty much anyone.  which makes me a great fake.  I can Thunder to anyone's Lightening.  word.

So I really believe I'm done working for RC in less than 8 weeks.  I want better/need better/deserve better.  I feel it.  do you?  I want better than getting screamed at by asssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhholes.  I don't make enough to get berated and called names by men who wear the uniforms that the company who pays me provides (inadequately).  $38,000 isn't enough to be told I suck and that I should essentially go home.  But ya know - he was right.  I should.  and will.  thanks Antoine.  voice of - well = assholes everywhere.

I will.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

What do you love . . . .

about your Significant Other?  Or if you are single - what is the ONE thing you think you would need to have that person be THE person?

I was married before (NO KIDDING? - REALLY KATIE?) I married the R.  I know - huge shock.  T. was absolutely what I wanted.  Smart.  Arty.  Mechanical.  Clever.   We didn't work though.  sooooooo.  Take TWO - click.  what was it I was looking for?  what REEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY mattered?  that's between me and R.  Sorry - buy the book.  or find the body :D

I know what I need in a SO.  (okay mom = that means Significant Other.  love you bunches mwah! :D )

My need NOW is obviously different then when I was 21 and so stupidly clueless!  BTW if you are in a marriage that started pre 25 and are still happy or you DON'T want to choke them out daily - GOD BLESS YOUR SWEET LITTLE HEART!  (if you are in the south you KNOW what I just said!)   'k

My personal parents are in one of those marriages.  Still there.  There has not yet been a murder.  :D
Could happen.  Mom's retiring soon.  She may take up traveling.  alone.  a lot  
kidding ! (not really.)

I just know that our needs change as we age and move through life.  "Shit" - as they say - does actually happen. we are humans in multiple colorful shades of broken.

AND yes-  GOD - JEHOVAH is an amazing GLUE - "GOD GLUE" as Bono said.  I believe that only GOD GLUE keeps couples together forever.  It's too hard alone.  If you don't have it at a marrow level it's just too easy to want something else. And for the record - THAT was so not a blame casting statement - just what I believe as truth.  I truly believe that unless you have the willpower of a Saint or Marathon Runner it's going to be hard to stick to that FOREVER thing unless you share something Huge like God. just sayin.  Not impossible - but I guess neither is jumping from 24 miles above the earth and walking away.  Marriage is a lot like that.  and nothing like that.

What do YOU need.  5 things.  I know my 5.  I will actually share mine I just didn't want copy cat slackers.  I need to know what's important to you.  I may actually ask more questions so if you are willing to share-  please do.  I know so many people who know so many people that if you DO actually like my writing I'd love you to share it.  I may use profanity on and off = it's like Tourette Syndrome - only, totally not.  I do control it and try to use it just for effect - much like a fart.  only not.

What qualities - or I guess THINGs in or from another person to live in your definition of "happilyeverafta" - side by each seemingly into FOREVER?  5 things.

you can email them into obscurity to  or message me.  or just reply.  Love you all !!!! mean it!


Tuesday, October 16, 2012


House of?

Hand of?

Played your last?

yeah.  History on them is long and yet sketchy.  But we can all agree on where they stand today.

2 colors. 4 symbols.  13 individual cards in 4 suits (a very manly term if I ever heard one) .

(Triskaidekaphobia anyone?) 52 in all and 54 with jokers.  

I don't like cards. anymore.

I did.  Loved rummy and gin rummy.  but something changed.  Not exactly sure what. but I think I know.  And it's a hard thing.  It's because I married into a family with a different card game.  they were really the non-tv watching group.  They were actually MORE dysfunctional than MY dysfunctional family.  Their dysfunction was weird and produced babies (bravo tango whiskey really beautiful bi-racial gorgeous kids - though I am not a fan of their mom much.  different post.)  and men who had bipolar manic depressive things that didn't seem to blend with my victim/OCD/uberneedygirlie tendencies.  Still a fan of the family though.  They were old school.  Like super.  like the 70's never ended and stuff.  Now the TV is just BIG and super LOUD but OMG no cable.  really Frank?  Cuz Bonanza (on channel fuzzy 57!) ? REALLY isn't that interesting.  Netflix.  8 bucks a month.  experience it baby.  But GOD - please not because I said.  I stand before you as "satan-lite" formerly known as Katie.  I did the unthinkable.  I divorced the son.  my roses smell bad and I am an ogre.  FRANKly (ha ha) I really don't care too too much.  But he's an old man and I do respect.  nuff said.

That was. is.  or again more like. okay they WERE.  a card playing family.  my kids do like that family game aka "frustration."  I like it too.  I hate to admit.  but I let my kids have that in the Sullivan part of their world.  I want memories built.  I want them to remember those days.  I was actually the one who moved the first chess piece.  Finally.

I moved first.  I take that.  I own it.   I will always be confident knowing how it played out.  doesn't make it less messy though.

My family played cribbage.  I always hated that game for too many reasons to post.

I really don't like poker other than 5 card stud that I played with my grandfather for hours on end.  My real love was checkers though.  he taught me well.  I can't be beat except by old men.

cards are hard.  all I can think is Alice in Wonderland and this.

aces and 8's.

not my hand though.  :D


Sunday, October 14, 2012

Hey Kermit. You experienced?

Ok - I swore I would never be the parent that capitalizes on crazy things their kids say for fun or profit.  Yeah.  I lied.

The other night in the car Aislinn asked about something David Bowie was singing.  Labrinth is like her favorite movie (one of my top 10) so of course DB would be a source of major crushage.  I love him for that role and many many songs.  Then the conversation went on about who he was and what he meant to the music community.  I then commented that BOWIE was a music LEGEND.  Liam asked who else would be in that category. I said um um well.  Hendrix.  Jimi Hendrix.  Liam asked - Who is he and what has he done?  (okay he actually shouted WHO - WHO IS THAT?  and I rolled my eyes in the way only a loving parent would - when met with spawn who doesn't know who the hell Hendrix is? I mean really?  I feed you and you know NOTHING???????)

Though I'm sure here is what I would have said if I was a nonsarcastic bitch - "WELL SON - let me tell you."   I then whip out my phone and play Watchtower (written a-course by Dylan DUH mom! LOL) .  When Aislinn - chimes in.  "yeah duh Liam, Jimi Hendrix - he's the voice of Kermit."

yes.  soda did come out of my nose.  Jim Henson.  Jimi Hendrix.  I'd love to say honest mistake but . . . . Frankly too funny for that.

You can't make that up.

Much like the dinner I had a number of years ago with my dad.

I now quote the Father,  "I love that Bon Jovi, yeah that Bon Jovi is so talented."   um. huh?  Incredulous stare?  This is the pan flute loving man.  Jon Bon Jovi?  huh?  I asked, "dad, what does this Bon Jovi look like - um like that last concert you saw him in?"  "oh he's wearing a white suit and has an orchestra and has a mustache and long black hair."

Yanni?  Dad. Oh Jesus, Dad,  You like Yanni!!!!!

again.  You can't make that shit up.

I love my life.  :D

Saturday, October 13, 2012

It just is.

I am officially 43.  as of  2:32 PM or so. and yet I feel - 50 something.  I am heavy these days.  Not in weight. if that matters to ya.  It still does to me I guess.  I'm actually pretty light size wise.  but load?  heavy.  too. for real.  I'm. tired.  I can't carry it.  Jesus doesn't want it and has told me to drop it.  so.  well,  I will.

No, I will NOW.  as of NOW the things even Jesus doesn't care about . .  .officially dropped.  Uni?  Ya gotta ask?  Mafia run, Mafia owned?  Hot fu'n ROCK.  dropped.  :D  whew

I officially don't care.  about the things I don't need to care about.  The people?  still.  yeah. I care.  Even the people I have been asked to not care about.  I do.  I can't not care.  I care.  I just do.

There needs to be a law against getting your period on your birthday.  but then I guess that would be a law against GOD and my guess is that in the future I'll be on an amazing beach NOT with my period and HE will be all like (remember when in 2012 you had your period on your birthday? this is why.) I guess I'll take beach since we were really doing nothing but shopping today.  just sayin.

I'm so blah. and tired.  I did not run today (aka hello - it's my birthday AND well above statement!)
Tomorrow?  yeah.  before church and before we go to the flea market.

I have a blue streak in my hair that makes me smile.  and bangs.  I guess birthdays make me weird but I love having an excuse to do something sorta lame.

Love all of you.  If you are reading this - thank you.  I love you dearly.  I am so blessed.

I am 43. sigh.

I actually liked 42.  being all Douglas Adams and stuff.   I liked being the age of meaning and, well, towels. 43 seems so anti-climatic.  I love the 13 aspect.  I've loved every bday but my Friday's were the best.  I hate that people are stupid about it but it got me opals so I guess I don't care.  

Personally T's birthday is way way cooler and actually is the end of days for all of humanity.  Personally I find that so so fitting.  12/20/12 um 2012  T's birthday is the end of the universe.  i really wish that was true.  I just don't think so.  I don't think we are near done.  I know this earth is GOING to be done - (have you been to Hawaii? I have not.  I don't really want to unless I have like a month.  Time change and stuff.  Australia? yes.  I want to live there.  I want to see Ireland and Spain and Portugal

I need to see so many things.

I am glad I am going to be working from home soon.  I need to be large and in charge with these kids.  They have had WAY too much much much freedom with no onnnnnnnne home when they come home.  Well.  5 weeks.  I am HOME.  DONE.  "D  yeah baby.

Friday, October 12, 2012

AND a snake

I really try so hard to sorta be this soft hearted but tough bitch.  I love walks on the beach and kittens and puppies.  okay puke.

Okay. I am just me.  Weird on a plate.  I do more crafting than any human should be allowed and am so glad 40+hr a week stops in 5 - count them 5 weeks. yes please!

So I have to be real here.  I ran every day this week cuz I - well, could.  Today was weird windy.  Like I was dreading it windy.  Most of ya'll don't get WINDY like we get windy.  My hair weighs 10 lbs.  I'm not kinda kidding.  Shit is HEAVY.  It was horizontal.  It was windy.  AND yes bitch STILL ran.  word.

So I plotted my course based on wind factor.  Yeah homie don't play.  So I decided that going uphill like -  stupid-huffing-uphill with the wind AT YOUR BACK is okay.  I don't actually like running downhill so "at me" wind is okay.  SWEET.  not.  welcome to VA construction and asphalt crew.  nope girl you need to go the hell around this shit.

WOW.  5 minutes from my world is woods and cool crap.  I was a grinning fool. no lie.  I love new places new roads new new runs.  I add a new song every run. Nikki Minaj is so vile but her songs keep me running.  

so running along I find

also known as a brown recluse - just hanging out


Still a happy clam sorta - I love running when it's 72 and not 1005.  Sorry.  I do so love hot and humid but running then - when I gotta go back to work isn't fun.  I love fall - always have - but I do suffer from SAD so it's hard for me when I know Darkness is coming.  I do struggle.  I am solar powered.  I know this.

So I found a new place.  It made me smile.  New roads are always fun.  I grin like a moron.  I do.  I am so so special.

so at TIME (also known as turn your ass around you are at half way)

I do.  Lalalallalalalall

OH JESUS SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was a full 3 feet off road squeeling like a little girl.

Yeah.  Full jump off road  - yeah almost tucked and rolled.

fucker scared me.  for real

I had 2.5 miles back and I am fairly sure my heart was at ATTACK that! mode -  til like I walked in my building,.  really -  no shit g.

Yeah.  this my shit - all the girls stomp you feet like this - yeah.

The grammar is so bad in this song I can't personally continue.  sorry.  Hollaback.  look up Gwen - she don't care.  I do.  grammar is NEVER over rated or BANANAS.  for that personal manner.  whew.  I'm sorta punchy.  today was hard.

There was a hardness that has wanted to wrap itself around me - I have not been receiving package of crap but - honestly So many many beloved ones are dealing with stuff of the serious side.  My dear sweet S and her T have 2 on their respective plates.
Dad and sweet G'ma.

Well, it's a new day - it's moving forward.  even with spiders and snakes.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


wow.  Marble.  That VERY word means so many things to me I just can barely wrap my head and thoughts around it.  It's kind of like those illusion pictures that are the old woman and a young lady depending on what you see and my brain then processes them both at the same time and I wanna puke.  I guess that's my adhd.

I take it to understand that because I was using my outside voice INSIDE to my husband, he has now relegated me to writing (oh no please don't throw me into that briar patch!) but I then cursed him with picking the topic.  He actually said something about "losing" and "marbleS."  I choose to be selective in my word choice.  As I always seem to do - I'll bring my beloved FORMERLY known as husband T into the topic - he had feet that were so creepy - never ever saw the sun perfectly alabaster that I repeatedly said he had the feet of a god (lesser known - god of jack and coke I think it was) and looked like they were made of MARBLE.  ding that's one.

I love marble.  When T was a much younger man and I still had nice tits he worked on a house that I guess the demons burned to the ground - yeah that's a WHOLE nuther post.  HotTubs and demons and lesbians and well, marble. Oh my.
This house that um - was (past tense) - was in Sort of Waukesha - kinda.  It was a house owned by hands down one of the nicest men on the planet who married a beyond stupid crazy person.  She only got worse from stupid.  In fact I'll name Colleen L. as hands down crazy b of the century.  must be the name.
BUT then they revamped their house a bit.  T helped.  He learned some cool mad construction skills he never fucking used again.

um, only kinda kidding.  BUT they pretty much slapped marble on every inch of space that would hold it.  That bitch STILL burned to the ground.  I understand the pool survived.  I guess demons like a pool party like the rest of us.  I did naked butt slides on that deck.  my butt is still nice bravo tango whiskey.  not that you asked. ding that's two

I won't actually bring up why marbles came up in the first part because it involves PMS (mine) and it's painful and mine.  I choose to just suck up my personal pain each and every 3 weeks that has frankly begun to make being male look suddenly appealing.  I like being a girl for about 5 minutes each month and then I hate it the rest of the time.  yes I've been tested.  Yes I have healthy levels of whatever.  NO, I don't have cancer.  okay.  beautiful.  I won't die.  I just want to.

I don't actually know what's wrong and/or why.  I know it's not me being a baby since I've run miles on broken toes and had very small people exit my nether regions sans pain meds AND done crazy thing like run 26 miles on purpose.  So I do know my pain tolerance is pretty good.  I don't actually know what more to do.  I really DO like my girl parts in their respective places.   So hey pulling them out for fun - really isn't a good suggestion to me personally.  I'm not sure.  All I know is every 3 weeks or so I hate life-hate people- hate my body (It gains about 5 lbs in water) and my thoughts become (shockingly!) not mine.  and then I have a horrific (think Carrie!) 7 days and THEN I'm me again.  all systems back to normal.

It's getting worse each year.  I really don't quite know what to do.  I guess I need to talk to the Dr. again.  but what do I say.  I'm a girl.  I keep being a girl.  and It's getting more - well - girl like.

That does make me sound like I'm losing my marbles.  doesn't it?  ladies.  help please.  I thank you - and all those within 20 feet of me during that time - thank you in advance.  I know they would if they knew who was behind the wheel. ding that's the third.  I win!  :D  Roger pay up!


Monday, October 8, 2012

Safety Dance

So Roger chose to play a round of STUMP THE KATIE.  I'm sorry or perhaps glad to say I named almost all songs in 5 notes.
He hit on this stupid 80's AOL Radio station and omg stuff I'd not heard quite literally since the 80's.  My grasp of the useless, meaningless and totally random does NOT disappoint.  Yeah.  I got it.  But I really gotta ask myself - WHY?  Why the hell do I know and retain this?  Men without hats?  why.  why do I retain this.  There's WAY more important stuff I could remember but Men without Hats - Safety Dance.  In my head - foreva.

I'm certain - again.  It's the KNOWITALLBITCH in me that is to blame - aka - ME.  and she's really not so very sorry.  again - she's kindof a b.  This will be quick since I have a book calling me.  - Hoping soon to have one that you all are cutting things short to read.  I officially quit as of Thanksgiving.  Received or not.  I walk.  Income or no.  I walk.  Today I decided. Not caring is not good.  I don't.  This is more than 2 weeks.  It's 6.  Replace me or don't.  IDK.  BYE.


Sunday, October 7, 2012


GET LOST?  - I do really try to do that so so very often.  and it's becoming increasingly hard to do so.  I remember being a young married woman working At Tombstone Pizza just down the road from The "Egg farm living days."  I was really into my job because I came home to a dog.  and really as sweet as Bishop was - I came home to a dog.  period.
My own personal  Husband came home to a sleeping me because my day started at 4 am.  he worked second shift.  so began the leaving.  early on.  it began.  the ending began with the solitary existence.  I have found that being an island makes you alone.  duh,.  I know right?!!!   So began the long slow leaving.

but after the night. the morning comes.  and we wake up and it's new.
This morning was new.  as every new morning.  but so not.  it was new.  in a new - it's NEW sort of way.  quiet though.   change comes to me in that quiet way that I don't always see.  in the way my kids grow.  but more suddenly significant.

It's the sigh you know means change.  it's the "different" you spout but now really need to stand behind - the change you can't undo.  the done that is so so so so so so. real.  the walk away.  the change of focus.

I bought books today.  I never buy books that aren't cookbooks for my collection.  I NEVER buy books I don't give away.  I bought 3 today.  I know I will have time to read them.  My subconscious knows.  There will be time.  soon.

I wasn't gonna run today.  It was cold.  and rainy.  There were kid issues.  Nevertheless I put my shoes on.  my headphones didn't work. YET I still put my hoodie on.  things were working against me.  I pushed ahead.  I ran.  decided half way on - I may need to pee at some point in the trip.  So - hmmmmm.  Walgreens?.  Least invasive.  good.  done.  sweet.  let's get lost?  okay!  cool.  There actually are neighborhoods that support Romney!  OMG - we have a chance!  WOW.  I was elated.  There are people out there who haven't drunk the Koolade!!!!  So get lost in this world of wow!!!  I so did.  I ran and smiled.  and got more lost.

Running is an experience. mostly head - some heart and then physical.  Once you teach your physical to do as it's told to do - it's all  in the head.  getting lost is required now and then to keep it real.  I went farther than planned  but I know more where I live now to get too very far lost but it took me WAY out of my way.  The body was fine.  that makes me smile.

For me to get really really lost today - it's writing - music, sewing and running.  I lose hours in them.  Now I need to qualify - I was never actually LOST.  I had my phone with GPS.  I was safe the whole time.  I just wasn't sure "exactly" where I was.  I could have called in the cavalry at any point.  But I try to learn to rely on what SHOULD make sense.  Okay Manassas Roads don't make any freaking sense.  Nothing runs straight, plumb or freaking east west north south!!!!curves baby  nothing but dead ends and curves.  MADDENING.
but a good work out!  :D

My advise is to get lost now and then - in a good way.  lose yourself to something that makes you really happy.  You won't regret it.    Trust me.  - Would I EVER steer you wrong?

Friday, October 5, 2012

Jealous is the Night when the Morning comes. . . .

How we speak the same language is really vitally important to our continuance - I actually mean as PEOPLE.  And NO, I'm not being all reactionary - end of the world-  as much as - really? this is how this crap works.  If WE do NOT need the same things as Countries, Nations, Continents or freaking Planets for that matter - our basic motives will be SO vastly different-  we will certainly come to the proverbial table with a different portfolio to be sure.

I can say THIS with truth in the micro-managed way of a "government sense"  because I work for a company that on any given day deals with people who speak at least 5 different languages and multiple dialects of several of those languages.  I work in Northern Virginia.  The US of A.  Where English is really NOT the first language.  Not kidding.  This is real folks - you No habla? sorry. no se?  lo siento.  I speak enough Spanish to not sound stupid but I am buying the for realsies version of "Get this down and speak it like you mean it chica" tapes.  At the very least it will up my coolness factor with the grounds crew. (oh that was bad.  But you laughed so it was honest. - yes our grounds crew is 100 percent - Hispanic. - our cleaning crew? again.  it's not a stereotype so much if it's true.  own that!)

Basketball wives?  who's white? again.  own that.  If you buck the stereotype it's because you don't fit a MOLD.  It's a mold for reason.  it's the NORM baby.  so shoot me for speaking the truth.

I may not so much like my CORPoration.  but at the very freaking least I will have some AWESOME accents down to the tee for my stand up routine.  I have the Intelligent Indian male in my back pocket - can do it perfectly  Hispanic male and female - Si!  Angry black man & diva b/ch - (n' pleez?   Not so PC?  really? if you are so democrat that you hate freedom of speech that much - oh wait you only hate it when it offends YOU bitch.  JOKES about me are okay but offend a minority? - "that was soooooooo wronggggg."  um I think I breathe the same air - thankyouverymuch.

Again - it comes down to what I like to call -  absolutely - free of charge to my personal subscribers (you know who you are since I'm sure you are the only ones I personally KNOW)    "onthesamePAGEism."  YES you can trademark that to me.  Nobel prize I am certain. for peace or maybe literature.  yes thank you I do accept.  LOL!

ONTHESAMEPAGEISM - requires a bit of a stretch on the human part - sometimes not at all because background and happy similarities do not require it and then it's just that sweet - friendshippy goodness - BUT BUT BUT but sometimes it requires a bit more that is oh oh oh wait for it . . . . UN comfortable  oh NO NOT THAT!  NOT for us ????? we are AmeriCANS - we don't make ourselves Uncomfortable on purpose!  Unless we are running.  word.   Anytime I've stretched my,  well - hamstrings if we can be honest - I'm not happy - not smiling really not enjoying but that dark part of me that is perfectly honest .  well they know.  this sucks.  this hurts.  but is perfectly necessary and overdue. bitch.  (and yes my body parts do actually talk to me that way. they get to.  I'm mean to them a lot.)

What I'm saying and trying so desperately not to rodney king this up -We as humans as mammals as People who reside on Planet Earth = we Like can't  - we can't get alone.  Not never forget it never ever NO f'n WAY.  can't. cannot.  .  unless we need the same things.  period.  again.  please quote me - onthesamepageism.  if YOUR child is sick and MY child is sick? DING DING DING samepageism (shortened for coolism)   You are in Uruguay and I'm in Virginia USA - we are parents with sick kids.  SAME HEART!  done.  it's amazing how linked we are.  suddenly by need.  need for answers cure honesty in our doctors or what the hell ever affects our sick child.  see it? We  ARE the same if we need the same.

follow my rabbit hole.  I want to do something here.  I have a special son.  But here's the thing.  he's not sick.  Thank GOD - Jesus - Jehovah GOD - my son has an Autism spectrum like Ausperger like disorder.  My son is just special but - yet different.  He does struggle.  But I have a desire to do more here.  I know that my time at UniFirst (yes I just typed the verboten name!)  is numbered.  I want a bigger Sun and will Set my sights on the Rise :D

If you are part of a literacy organization please ping me.  I feel like I'm here for a reason.  I have capable hands - resources and frankly I feel like a lazy ass not doing something.  I'm used to feeding people for fun.  All I have is Goldberg these days.  And he bring me double yolked fresh eggs.  word.  you can't buy that.  again.  need.  we all need to know what we need and THEN align.  AND more importantly - what we HAVE and align that with the need.  I love to teach people to read.  adults.  I know that.  I loves me kids - hates teaching.  adults.  yup.  love it.

what do you need?  tell me.  I want to know.  I will write about it.  in a kind way.  really.  I don't hurt the innocent.  or try not to anyway.  I 'll try to get you what you need.  Let's do this.  I can't have more than 3 dogs.  I may need to eat one soon to make way.  Kidding.  she's too small.  and tough.  lol.  I get that.

total sidebar Please listen. I'm a junkie here.
New favorite band.  Please buy everything they have done.  amazing doesn't touch them.  I can't speak.  they are beyond.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

life as a house.

I can't un live this life.  It's where I stand today.  we are all the same - exactly the SAME.  today.  alive or just recently in the process of not being alive or just recently dying.  we are all HERE today.  breathing the air we are allowed until - well- we aren't.  I hate being so heavy but when you are around HEAVY things it's where you are.  there's a lot going, well, on.  I'm kind of a wild card lately.  Only my sweet Sarrah knows what planet Katie is going to be like and she's uber cool about where it is.  I'm done with drama.  OKAY LORD - ya'll know I'm a big GIRL with BIG drama that follows her - but in a good positive way.  I'm NOT the "angie o'" at every party crying in the freaking corner needing support for some weird girl thing.  and HUGE sidebar

That actually is a person.  she will be in my book as another name.

We are all here.  right NOW. and now and NOW.  starving in a poor bedroom in Baltimore or a brothel in Manassas Park Virginia across the street from me.  or Indonesia or Ireland or wherever.  We don't always care for our poor.  We, as humans - we really suck at fixing issues.  We don't really know what the hell to do - democrats just feel bad and throw money but really don't fix things.  Republicans try to do things from the top down but nothing fixes the core problems that are outside of politics and frankly - gonna pull a card here.  Women need to step up and help more.  Church -  NO MATTER what the religion.  WE are the care-giver's  WE are the fixers.  I don't care who you pray to - really - ladies!!!.  we do more and fix more OUTSIDE of the drama and politics. . .  

I have personally fed more families than I can name and I hate making casseroles but you know what?  they feed hungry families that just had babies.  bring it and step up.  I don't care WHO you vote for.  Feed someone if you aren't starving yourself.   (she now steps off box)

My goal - really my goal in life was that I wanted to teach people to read.  That honestly was my goal.  I currently work for a company that rents uniforms and rags.  I previously created and sewed pillows and cushions people put their asses on.  I don't think I've made a step up. really.

But life has put me here.  owner of three amazing - interesting and unique kids and three dogs that are stupid on a funny level.

if you have never watched Life as a House. it is a movie that will sneak up on you in the human sense and move you in ways that may surprise.  If you are not a parent it may not make as much sense.  If  you are a divorced parent it may kill you.    I love it since it's so perfect.

I've had several houses.  Never one built FOR me.  I was given a vision of my house in heaven and it's pretty cool.  Frankly it looks like an earth ship.  Google them.  I am a closet survivalist so - well - I know some crazy things. .  :D

but I have never had anyone build a house for me so my life may be in a house someday but my life is NOT a house since the ones I've had have never BEEN "me."  Like my mom - I've always tried to make do with what we've been dealt.  You get good at it - but much like wearing someone Else's underwear - it's always a little weird and uncomfortable.  You just learn to figure it out and be gracious and thankful and find a place for the . . . .

Monday, October 1, 2012

Two lefts don't make a right.

They say that you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet - aka-  my favorite saying, which I'm certain should be tattooed on my ass is - Life is messy.  Bring Paper towel!

From even the very procreation of human life (or even animal for that matter) to birth and then way after - LORD even to our death - it's a horribly messy process.  Some of us just get that.  Or else we spend our lives NOT getting it and being Offended when it is actually as it really is.  messy.

Sorry to be the voice of - LIFE IS MESSY but I guess being the Harbinger of Messy would be the mantle I WOULD wear considering a certain former husband put it on me.  Lord I gotta own that one.
I just live my life which on any given week involves - a fall, a spill, a trip, a burn  and maybe even a breakage of something.  well . . . I live.  No velvet lined caskets for me.  faults and flaws and all.  We've been through the birth process - I enjoyed two at home.  THEY FREAKING ROCKED!  MY timing - my process.  my experience.  I need to take more ownership again.  I let too many others run my life these days.  People I don't even like own me a little bit.  Yeah.  that's gonna end.

I want my toes in the water and my ass in the sand more.  I wanna do that a lot  - yes! I want that.

When we, as flawed and not so innocent humans, start our foray into adulthood we fall and spill and trip and burn ourselves and break a lot of things - usually hearts.  a bit and then try to pair up into whatever crazy combination of love/lust/futurehood we can figure out.   I applaud those smart enough NOT to pick a mate when too young to have a freaking clue who they will turn into when the cocoon  is shed and they go from worm to butterfly.  Too many of us picked when still caterpillars and then when became butterflies -  found those we had picked weren't flying in the same flight pattern as we were.  Stupid?  yes.  Too many of us did that.  If you didn't do that - or better yet -  if it just worked that your resident butterfly thought you were cool enough to fly sidebyeach with you forever - well - lucky you.

I have always loved thrift shopping (topic switch? bet you didn't even see the coin go into the other hand right?)  We recently went to our resident cool thrift store.  Me and girlie goodness - bought some FIERCE boots.  ALL sweet and amazing and actually two lefts.  talk about two left feet?  Got them.  Won't ever make that mistake again.  I'll try them BOTH on the next time.  :D