Sunday, March 6, 2011

work and other distractions

wow. it has been a week or two. and yet cooking and kids and hubby are really the things that still matter the most to me.  I have learned so much about myself in the years since the divorce from T. and most of it has been good but some has taken me some time to process.  Roger and I fight. discuss. argue.  T. and I never did that because I felt I was not allowed to.  I was far too annie fisher to do that.  I wasn't given a voice and frankly it was my bad for not freakin taking it.  I lost my husband because I didn't have a voice.  I have a new one now - both husband and voice. and I love them both dearly. Roger listens when I speak. Roger is not my slave - he is a man and stands up when standing up is what he needs to do. He puts me in my place when I need to be put. But he also holds my hand when it needs holding and kisses me in Ikea because he wants to kiss his wife.

Men and Women are so very very different and yet so very similar. Lon Solomon (yeah that's my pastor's name) reminded me in heaven we will just all be the same.  No sex. (not so happy there :D ) no marriage no nothing like that. I just trust that God has it figured out. and really that is cool.

Today is today and frankly life has upped the weird factor. I will soon be doing the job of 7 people. at one 6th the pay.  I am still stoked and want to rock this  - no matter who or what wants to jack me up because of who I am.  But yet it's not going to be an easy ride.  or happy happy joy joy. neither ren nor stimpy . BUT I am still me - I still smile through the tears and I will soldier on.  My kids, hubby and cooking keep me standing upright and my GOD who thankyouverymuch is LORD love me.  If you are not on my team - keep it to yourself and then silently just go the hell away because I don't need it.  ever. thanks.