I - I stand - not crawling not falling down I - I bleed the demons that drag me down . . . .

And I thank my 42 years to be able to know when I have been so - so - so very wrong.  There may only be a few places where I can't fix what has been set into motion - but for the very most part - I like where today has brought me.  I love my today but really I love more where I am in me.  I am kind of like the earth - very thirsty and open for the rain of something new.  I am at a crossroad.  I like being in motion.  I'm not super skinny and feeling like nothing but marrow and denim - I am more healthy feeling - my face is not sunken - I'm more relaxed.  I don't feel the pressure to train.  I've given myself a bit of a break.  I know that ends next month - but again that's okay.  I have so many people that I have fed off of like a vampire - or rather like the em path that I am.  I'm frankly embarrassed.  I feed off of energy like heroin - for right or wrong I feed off of where I am.  In the bloom where you are planted spirit - I know when something has to change.  Just not certain what yet.  But that's where the beauty part is - yet.  What a great word - so full of the future - promise - so, well -  promising - or foreboding depending on your take.

Today was a horrible day.  I felt betrayed by someone I thought would never ever betray me.  But now I know that to be betrayed is to allow yourself to be human and for me that is a fete since I try to never ever show my vulnerable bits.  So I guess that's a positive.  Still not certain where this particular road leads - and frankly that's ok.  I am composed and not letting some one's hurt spill into my lap.  I am nearing the end of something.  But at the end of this day.  I am so not sweating the details.  It's something new on the horizon.  And that is - a good thing  - Martha be damned.

So I gotta share something that has absofreakinlutely NOTHING to do with this post but was so good I had to share it.

Trinity's chicken.

So I made Trin pick what was for dinner the other night and she pulls out the french onions from Thanksgiving I never opened.  - AKA Trinity Chicken!

2 lbs chicken thighs.  Breast are okay but frankly too lean - and not as tasty but hey it's your butt not mine and I'm running in the morning so whatever . . . .

Cut chicken into pretty small cubes - smaller than donald's nuggets okay - like half or even smaller.

Soak in milk

trim crap off okay - good.

2 eggs beat up.

Take your huge can of french onions and beat the living hell out of it - we need small crumbs.

Heat oven to 400.

Dip chicken in egg and roll in onion crumbs.  Bake for about 10 minutes - check with a thermometer since this is actually chicken and I don't want to kill anyone.  I can't say how small your cubes were in comparison to my cubes so really don't be dumb.  Done is done.  But damn.  This stuff was rockin.  dipped into whatever makes you smile - have some.

So - I know for a fact my Trinity is going to be a handful and a half - she's taller than her older brother - smarter than most adults I know and  - well my kid.  Well read - pretty and sweet with an edge.  ugh.  a mother's curse does actually work.

I should have stuck with dogs.  :D

Peace

Epic and I mean EPIC fail. SWEET!

I hate failure.  I am a person who has spent her entire life trying desperately to be not only perfect but in-f'n- falable.  Beyond perfect - some superhuman know every random fact anyone should ever need to know at a moments notice (a human google if you will) and do it in such a humble matter of fact sort of way that of course - why wouldn't I just know that to help you out . . .  ugh.  It's been a long long 42 years trying to be perfect.  Perfectly thin.  Perfectly behaved.  practically perfect in every way.  Bite me Mary.  I'm so tired of it.  I'm not saying I'm not going to still strive to do a good job.  I try not to make mistakes.  I HATE making mistakes.  But dear Lord Jesus.  I do.  Yes.  I'm Katie and I mess up.  More often than I will admit, if you must know.  But I have learned a little secret that I will gladly share.  Most of my worst/best f'ups have been learning experiences. 

Cutting my finger = learning how to wield a very sharp knife and not Not NOT cut myself.  check.

Whipping egg whites into oblivion - not getting stiff - um DUH - plastic bowl.  must be glass or metal. check

Keep it coming - I've messed up pretty much every dish I've ever made.  The first time.  And then maybe the 25th time because I got cocky and added something weird.  And it really didn't work.  BUT the 27th time I got it to work and be even better than the 24th time.   Food and failure doesn't bother me much.  Maybe it's the wine :D or it's that cooking is already so very experimental.  It's chemistry if you will.  Especially baking.  They say that you can't mess with baking that you have to be so precise and perfect or it won't turn out - blah blah blah.  That is total and complete



truth.  Yes - it is.  I know that because I am a great baker.  Instinctual.  But I mess up a lot.  And again.  I don't care.  I hate wasting food - don't get me wrong.  I don't make crap on purpose.  But I also don't kill myself for a screw up.  Yes if I burn a $20 roast I will be upset.  But a few eggs some milk and sugar? Nope.  This isn't the depression and my kids won't starve.   Thank you.  I appreciate the money that went into making it but if I'm gonna mess something up - that's fine.  next batch I promise will rock.  until I get cocky again.

The super sexual where it's not appropriate

"you will find a nice firm squeeze on the hooter a nice safety precaution, Miss Scrumptious."  huh?  "fine as long as the cuffs match the collars."  "well, hello Miss Pussy Galor."  "oh that's just my little octopussy."

Ok I digress but when you see the sexual and down right blatant sexual reference in a kids movie (not talking James Bond - Lord he bangs everything with two south holes) I am kind of grossed out.  I'll be honest. I've been watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang forever.  Never picked up on the bondage scene.  Watch it for yourself.  You might be my little chuchy face but you my dear are wearing a corset and not in a skinny way.  It just took me aback. 

I have kids.  And I'm not stupid.  I don't (like my wonderful parents - no disrespect intended) pretend I don't have sex.  I tell my kids that it's amazing and wonderful (hello God made it fun).  I let them know it's perfectly natural and that they get to choose who touches them.  That touching themselves is natural and not shameful and that they need to love their bodies because God made them awesome and to treat their bodies like GOLD.  THAT being said.  YUCK on the creepy shows.  I so don't understand letting your child watch an adult movie and then being repulsed that there is sex in it - um duh,. adult movie = sex.  BUT a kid's movie?  Not talking about Fight Club and someone splicing in footage of a dick - I mean stupid things in kids movies.  It's getting to the ridiculous level.

I of all people know sex sells.  always has always will.  It's a huge industry.  And I also don't want naive kids who are too stupid in the ways of the world to get conned into anything.  This world is a tough place - savvy is the way you need to be but not slutty.  God rules - but the devil (note the lower case) has some play still.  This world is a mess.  We as people aren't perfect - no matter what Michael Fisher thinks about himself or his kids - we are flawed individuals.  But God aways forgives when we ask.

At the end of the day.  Sex sells.  But really when that's what you are selling . . . . what does it cost you?  in the forever sense.  is it worth it?

you are ordinary and not special just like me

sorry for the boring title but I'd like you to know that you - like me are just one of billions of ordinary people on this planet.  We may have unique finger prints but you are not extraordinary in any way - like me.  We are so boring it's  - well, boring,  Even supermodels - I've met one - and actually though freaking gorgeous - "bag of hammers" comes to mind on intellect.  AND I know my share of super smart ones.  Cut your finger nails and trim the nose hairs - comes into my mind.  I'm happy to be in the smart middle ground.  I like being smart.  Sorry.  Like having gorgeous red hair (henna) I enjoy it.  I have short stupid fingernails that irritate me.  I have great.  AWESOME hair.  it's not me.  It's GOD and henna.  I take less than zero credit.  I have an awesome GOD.  Doubt me?  I don't care and neither does He.

I have to say there are special preachers and then there are earth movers.

Dr. James McDonald in IL is an earth mover.  I have been in churches that preach God.  Harvest Bible chapel in Rolling Meadows, IL is a storehouse of GOD.  He (James) preaches from the heart from the hip and nothing gets in his way.  I love that church and that is the one and only thing I miss about Illinois.

Walk in the Word is amazing.  It will challenge you in every way.

never, never, never give up

no matter the dark.  no matter the pain.  no matter the heart break.  keep on.  It's cliche these days.  quitting.  I'm not talking about staying where you don't belong or don't need to be.  trust your gut.  I'm talking about when you KNOW.  YOU FREAKING KNOW you are right.  Then you stay.  Until you know you are done.  And then you move on.  to the RIGHT thing.  And the right thing will meet you toe to toe.  nose to nose.  it will.  like the pattern that falls into place because you suddenly get knitting on a cellular level or a baby's laugh in your face that is just so perfect it's gotta be God's kiss.  you just know when it's right. 

or wrong.  lights will guide you home.  but I WON'T try to fix you.  only you and GOD can do that.

and remember that mostly dead isn't the end. . . . . :D

The Fine Arts of Gravity and Tea

So, in the planning stage of my daughter's party I had already built in the element of serendipity.  I know my life.  Been here 42 personal years.  13 parent years.  11 girl years.  Got it.  So for my peanut turning 10 I had in my head the gorgeous extravaganza - but I have learned that girls take things in their own personal comfort zone so I backed the hell off and let them do.  Can I share how huge my smile is right now?

Ice cream cake I personally baked last night and partially due to sort of failure This MORNING- - Check
Tea sandwiches I made last night and cut today into pretty shapes and then consumed by family before guests arrived - um.  check.
cupcakes too freakin cute for words - f'n CHECK
Pizza - duh. check

okay so I am a total whore to the splendor. The DRAMA if you will.  I bought the stupid helium tank and filled the house with balloons.  My daughter turns 10 - bring on the freaking balloons.  Then I thought - let the little ones write wishes and let the balloons go . . . .

Roger is on his way to walmart to get another tank . . .

Dear Jesus apparently we've got an F ton of wishes . . . .  these girls . . . . LOL

But I go down in history as the cool mom. 

And I heard my first justin bieber song today because one girl's wish was to have his baby (no shit).  Yeah.  he sucks. 

thanks be to GOD my girls know good music. 

I will respect diversity but frankly that was the lamest - Tiffany - Debbie Gibson crap I ever heard. Usher needs to sit down and let it go.  Yuck.

BUT - sweet girl that I won't name since I personally find you adorable and you are still in my house - best wishes on having his baby.  Not gonna happen.  :D

Roger is at Walmart getting another tank.  We got wishes - yes we do.  We got wishes - how bout you?
We have tea cups from the antique store and brides maids dresses - but the hit?  HELIUM BALLOONS.  Okay - I roll.  I was really fooling myself that the cucumber sandwiches would even be eaten.  Yeah. I hate that crap.

But I like tea, it's more elegant than coffee and less in your face. . . . 

And I like wishes.  sorry.  i do.

they are like prayers only softer.

Tea Party and no politics

So my peanut turns 10.  Double digits for those in the know.  A big deal as far as I am concerned.  Well, this started as the American Girl Doll "PAAARRRTTTTAY" Since Aislinn got her Mini Me for Christmas - but I refuse to be the douche mom who makes another little girl go to "the" store and have other's girl's dolls hair done and such like "oh you poor little girl without this particular $100 freaking DOLL - your parents must not love you!"  RIGHT!  NOT!  So we are NOT going to the store.  We are having a tea party.  Complete with TACKY  bridesmaids dresses - gonna buy 5 and let them select when they walk in the door.  Tiara?  yes please I have 5.  Hair and nails?  Done.  Tea set (mismatched from every goodwill I can find!) Tea sandwiches?  Of course!  Pretty girls photo shoot - YUP.  Cost?  50 bucks.  Cost of American Girl doll party for 2 girls and 2 adults?  $250!  OMG. 

I'll share pictures - since Aislinn also wants this to be a bonfire (outside)  camp-out (in her room) in the tent of course!  I am so excited.  Mr. Roger has the tux and crazy mad hatter hat to escort the ladies to the dressing room.  They get to leave the next day with their tea cup and saucer and their dress! 

Please share any finger food recipes you like since we are doing cucumber sandwiches and of course smores on the fire :D  Peace!

White trash exotic

I know my last post was all AMERICA the awesome and BRAVE and non trashy yarn.  . . . And I am all about the non trashy yarn AND the trashy yarn if that is how you personally roll cuz dear LORD we are AM=rmkins (say it in W's voice and it sounds cool) I loves me some trashy yarn - but the difference is I know from good yarn - just like I will drink shitty wine if I'm with friends and that's what they are drinking and that is what they like.  I don't drink PINK thinnnnngs - but well  - I won't shove my knowledge of the good stuff into the uninitiated.  What makes you happy is what makes you happy.  I just don't drink pink wine.  White is not even my favorite.  But = well.  When in Virginia . . . I won't make anyone feel bad if that's her choice.  But I have to share a good thing tonight. And when I actually invent something I have to share since it's an anomaly of the best sort.  My sweet son was all about my fruit salad.  therefore i need to share. 

I am privy to some exotic ingredients so I try to use different things when I can.  If you don't have them just experiment.  Life is full of fun things.  Experiment.

A star fruit
A dragon fruit
A pineapple
A pomegranate
2 fugi apples
2 honey tangerines
1/2 cup honey
cut this all up and arrange in a bowl

for the sauce - 3 tangerines - 1 lemon squeeze in your preferred manner.  I have a hand held contraption that freaking sucks.  If you have something better - bully for you!  I got about a cup and a 1/3.  I heated that with an egg and 2 T of cider vinegar and 1 cup of sugar after that was stirred into oblivion and stirred until it thickened.  COOL.  I added HERE'S THE WHITE TRASH PART - a container of cool whip.  Dear LORD YUM!!!  Add to the fruit and everyone is happy.  Actually - if you want to just do the sauce and cut up apples to dip - all good.  enjoy :D

I am offended :D

So after this - there will be much posting about food and frivolity, of clarinets and cookies and rum and roasts and all other things alliterative, but til then I am truly offended. read - big FROWNY FACE!

 I was standing in Michael's - fondling yarn - and yes that is legal in this state - when two "German accented women of mammoth proportion" started talking about, "zees americaaaanz don't like zee pretty - zey like zee oughgly yaaaarn. - zey like zeeeez stuff( picking up the tackiest yarn on the planet).  zeez oughgly yaaarn."  And then followed with the haa haas and much guffawing on the part of the ugly americans who like the ugly yarn and such. 

I was truly dumb founded and started fondling the prettiest yarn I could have quickly and tried to think of an appropriate retort that would defend GOD and COUNTRY and KNITTER but sadly they were gone as fast as they descended. 

I am personally of German blood and choose to believe they were French just pretending to be rude Germans but sadly I cannot continue that ruse.  They were clearly Austrian.  Whatever.  I was offended and that makes me smile.  I was driven to defending my country - IN my country and whether I acted or not is NOT the point.  It makes me know that I care - and care I do.  I do.  I'm an American.  Maybe from Germanic/Polish/Danish/American Indian decent but I'm a dyed in the wool Wisconsin girl.  Don't mess with Midwest chicks.  We can cook - clean - sew and will kick your ass if we need to - but in a nice way :D.

I love that I care about America - too few do.  We have reduced America to a cliche for too many to disregard.  I care.  I love my country - bad President and all.  And yeah that went back to Reagan (the last good one in my mind).

But I'm awake - finally.  It's taken a little bit but I'm back.  I'm awake and alive.  Kicking and screaming - I KNOW this will be a good year.  I hope I'm offended more often.  It makes me think about what I care about.  I hope you are offended too - and thinking.  And acting.  It's really really important that the smart thinking people are doing something.  I don't care if it's an Occupy whatever - personally I think that's a little too lazy and 60's to make any impact and frankly the lice and herpies alone would turn me off but if they think they are "doing" something besides blowing their trust funds - Then have at it. 

Today - this first day of 2012 all I can say is SHALOM YHWH!