Thursday, August 15, 2013

bloody well time

I quit my bad and under appreciated job in December of 2012.   in that lull I did exactly fucking nothing.  I mean really fucking nothing.  I barely wrote.  I pretty much just - cleaned my house - ran umpteen miles. and then knit things I ended up frogging (yeah that's right). aka.  I did fucking nothing.

There are certain camps that say that is a depression.  prolly.

Those are not the camps I'd send my kids to for fun but I get it.

I had decided that I needed a year.  I needed a year to breathe - but really I have no idea what that means.  I think breathe EQUALS or "means" lazy so I'm at odds with what I originally set out to do.  yeh me to subvert what I wanted to do!!!!  

Trinity kind of shook me out of my knitting slump.   and I quote, "yeah mom you get these knitting books from the library but you really don't knit that much lately."

no.  I don't.  I don't do anything of any substance lately.  what I do goes to the wind.

I run.  I sweat. I breathe but nothing permanent.

That is done.

Connor Howard left today.  I miss him.  but honestly - he's not my kid.  He's too easy.  My kids are hard and have issues.  I'm certain he has issues but when you get him 2 of the possible 52 you only get the surface.

It's funny - when I run.  the first 8 miles are the hardest - after that is gravy until 15.  why is that?  I hit a groove and it's fun.  before it's a fight for every 3 miles.  then after 8 it's a free ride.  I can do 8 miles an hour so that's not a timing thing.  it's just weird.

You sign up for one thing and it ends up in another state.  Not bad - just different.

not bad

just different.

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