Growing old

Let me start by saying I have never given too much thought to my own aging process.  (Though at 40 I really don't consider that "aging" per say just ripening to my true self from being just a baby) but caring for my MIL (93) has really given me cause to think about what aging really means.  Of course everyone ages differently and who you were when you were younger usually translates into what you are like when you get older I personally think the effect increases.  Similar to reducing a sauce  - as it cooks down the flavor intensifies.

But for me watching this woman barely able to move unassisted, deaf as a post even with hearing aids, can't breathe without wheezing and coughing, and shaking like all get out - yet still very very much alive in spirit - it really gives me pause.  I would not begrudge her one second of life - it's precious and it's hers to live, but I know for a fact that I do not want to HAVE to be helped off the toilet because I can't move.  That is arrogant of me I know, but it's true.  Everyone talks about aging gracefully but the reality today is not that.  We have so many medicines/procedures out there that extend people's lives but I can't say for myself if that is the road I would choose.  I guess it goes back to what you consider a valuable life.  If I was hooked to a machine to breathe and unable to move I would not be living.  "Medicine" may disagree but I can say absolutely I would want to be somewhere else and really would expect it of my family.

Caring for someone in their later years has really put strains on lots of families - if you can't care for your parent you have to "put" them somewhere and have someone else do it.  Someone HAS to do it.  Either paid or unpaid.

Having worked briefly for an organization that cares for the disabled - both mentally and the elderly,  I can say it's not simple no matter what side of the door you are on.  If you take care of your family member yourself it can be a full time job in itself - the stressors that go with that (depending on the one cared for) can be insurmountable and if you DON'T there are financial strains and most likely some level of guilt.