Monday, October 3, 2011

Have you ever seen a shooting star?


Okay - I can ask one better  . . . have you ever known a shooting star?  Now, of course I'm speaking metaphorically since a star is a giant ball of gas - which is probably not someone or something you want to "know" per say - but I've personally known a shooting star and I can tell you - you know when you've been in their presence.  Wayne.  was and will always be to me a shooting star.  He was physically and in personality a shooting star.  There was no way this earth could contain this tornado - this Tasmanian devil - of a human without imploding or at least a small tsunami!  He was that huge in person and persona.  He was pretty much 14 months pregnant the most of the time I knew him and pretty much as tall.

He was addicted to everything - spoke in the Philly accent where he came from and knew the Bible back and forward - inside and out.  He talked with his mouth full - sneezed the biggest booger onto my leg IN CHURCH! - and had a heart the size of Texas in the rain!  He loved out loud - full on - no holds barred.  He was an amazing Christian and a penitent sinner.  He did nothing quietly.  I mean nothing.  He snored - in public - like a freakin freight train and I was pretty good at chucking olives into his open mouth at Thanksgiving dinners (aftermath that is).

And he died from a heart attack on his 48th birthday in the street in front of his house.  Massive corollary.  His heart just exploded basically.  It makes sense - and then it doesn't.  He left behind a new wife and 2 little (under 5 at the time) girls.  He had started over in Southern WI with my then husband and myself who opened our home to him.  He left 3 - almost adult  - kids in PA and wanted to start over.  But it makes sense - physically anyway.

There are people in your life for a season - for a reason - for a purpose  - to show you something or to just be amazing.  Wayne was amazing.  Still is - since I believe people and their unique personalities live forever - somewhere (up or down as it were.)

I personally feel drawn to wanting to be on the shooting star side but choose to be star - light.  I have so many destructive tendencies that would make me a statistic that I get the "tone it down sister"  admonishments.  I get being super introspective to the point of super egoism and outward facing as to being the martyr.  I'm really seeking that balanced middle ground lately  - where my footing is more sure and I know where I'm at.

Coming home from Wayne's funeral I was jacked up on white wine and Vicodin since I'd just had oral surgery.  . . Tim and I came to a wide spot in the freeway and a star went from west to east across the night sky!  We both sucked in enough air to empty the car and I said "bye Wayne!"  He went back home.  So did we.  Very shell shocked and sad to lose someone as large as that.  But he was too big - too much - too - too - too. 

I can settle for just being me I guess.  Too much of anything ends up being sickening.  Balance.  It's a good thing.  I'm a Libra after all.  LOL.

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