It was my youngest who was patting my arm - tucking nicely into a gorgeous plate of pancakes in a local IHOP - less doused in syrup than I personally would have chosen but still a good showing but way more butter than I would have picked - who said "I feel so so bad for you mom," before she turned and left my universe for a full 10 minutes. Yeah - It sucks being me.
Let the record show - I will not starve. I will not die if I eat wheat. I will just pray for a fast and swift one. I bloat like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Garfield Float and wish I was half as sexy. I cannot eat wheat. OR dairy - but that is fixable with a healthy dose of very freaking expensive lactaid. Yes I can have my ala mode without eating the cake too. UNLESS
you factor in the new wave of really over-manufactured products for people like me (losers) who can't eat the things you normal Americans take for granted. Bread (nope) Pizza ( I wish) Pasta (don't get me started) Cake - cookies - muffins - cupcakes - pancakes. Oh pancakes. How I have missed you. . . . .
I need a minute. . . . .. . .
Ugh. Roger bought me the newest round of "gluten free" cookie mix and let me tell you - I was skeptical. I had some gluten free stupid expensive pizza a few years ago that sullied me forever. To say ketsup on a cracker spits in the face of crackers everywhere. I could have walked through a cow pasture barefoot and my foot licking would have tasted better. It cost like 17 bucks for a tiny one person piece of shoe leather and shitty almost could call it pizza experience. Peace out on that one. SO - the cookies were a stretch. Going down - not bad - I was so impressed. Then came the after. I have never ever had an after taste on a chocolate chip cookie. There wasn't enough wine to fix that train wreck.
I am running a marathon in November - in Richmond VA. On the 12th to be exact. The birthday of my sweet Sarrah. It's hard to run enough to train and put enough back in - so subsequently I've lost 10 lbs since most of you have seen me. I'm super skinny and you all can hate but I wish I could just eat an entire loaf of bread after running 20 miles. I do. I am a carnivore but - dear Jesus I am a girl who loves pasta. And I'm not bitching really - I am eating - but if someone tells you you can't have something - what do you want? UMMMMMM - THAT thing.
I'm telling the world though. If I become allergic to wine and rice and hot sauce. , , , I'm going to kill myself in a nice and painless way because that's really all I got. I am from Wisconsin and can't eat cheese or drink beer. To still be alive is a gift from God. If my sciencey friends could work on the wheat version of Lactaid - I'd be your best customer. just sayin.
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