Can't read my no he can't read my poker face . . .

"my poker face."

is it being insensitive?  or just being an actor?

Frankly I just don't have it.  I can try but if you are close you can see in my eyes what I'm feeling.  I'm too empathic to pretend. If truth be known  - I won't just show what I'm feeling but I'll mirror what YOU are feeling.  Yeah that freaks out most people who have gotten blasted with their emotions radiated out of me back at them.  It's really not fun and wears me the hell out.  It just takes the tar right out of me.

I can do a tough work environment - I can do getting "blasted" (also known as customers calling and BITCHING at the top of their lungs because YOU SUCK - i'm part of that "you"..  I personally am a nice person and will do xyz to fix your dirty rags not being clean and your urinal screens not being changed and your uniforms not being whatever and . . . )  and then it hits me that these are not life and death things but but BUT STILL are important.  If the rags at X restaurant are dirty and we don't fix it - they may choose to REUSE them and then YOU dear restaurant goer WILL get sick.  Not my direct fault but I AM still a cog in this proverbial wheel.  I take my CogDOM seriously since I NOW choose to be a 35,000 ft seer.

I refuse to micromanage my life any longer.  We are all part of the collective.  NOT THE BORG = we are not mindless cogs - we are a part - like it or NOT.  For good or evil  - we are.  I don't care if you believe in GOD, god or just the universe as a whole.  WE ARE.  I choose to believe in the Jehovah GOD of the Bible - but that's just me.  I like the view from above.  However, from here you do see more.  You see,  if you don't do what is required on Tuesday - Friday is gonna suck.  It may be just my new "high up" thing but I kinda like it.

I also like my new attitude.  I won't give credit to anything other than new ideas that aren't new.  Jesus is amazing and very big.  He is bigger than most Christians I know give HIM credit for being.  I like that.  I know a lot of Christians - I love them all  - but I don't necessarily fit who they knew me to be when they knew me.  I'm a different creature.  I'm just differently oriented - pointed in a different direction.  Still love GOD with my soul to my toes.  . . I just don't judge so fast. *  (*sidebar - if you knew me before - I was a very sweet but reserved until you knew me knew me and then I was a bit louder but SUPER opinionated in how I thought GOD worked.  But was a crazy knitter for all you knew.)

 I now know what being taken to the floor with your forehead really hard - numerous times - repeatedly will fix for you.  It actually fixes a lot of wrong thinking.  and actually makes your nose a little weird - but nothing time won't fix.

I know a lot more than I did before.  I also had to ask for a HUGE garbage can of forgiveness.  Of course HE showed up - He's good that way.  But as in 5th grade - innocence lost.  I know a lot more - am way sadder - but wiser.  Hope I'm the girl for him.