This was gonna

be a very different post.  All polished and buttoned up.  But I'm so frenzied and charismatic at the moment - I'm gonna pull a Pastor James and go off script for this message.  He had his sermon ready to go and then God stepped in and I believe had a from the hip sermon that wasn't just directed at me but well, mostly.  Roger was staring at me pretty much the entire freaking message and well, I OWNED IT.  okay.  GET it.  say it don't spray it!!! LOL. 

I allow things.  I - in a season of weakness - contribute.  I don't do what I KNOW is right.  I do what I emphatically know is so so so so wrong.  I don't stop someone from doing something illegal, dangerous and just plain stupid.  I don't.  And I need to.  I need to not laugh at it.  I need to step in because it's a bad thing.  I've been boiled.  Like the frog = slowly slowly slowly.  But thankfully UNlike the frog -  I live.  Unboiled and aware of "OMG" what did I just allow?"    I'm alive to face the day and move on.  I just want to knit and exercise.  and cook.  My compulsion was to go to my grocery store (haven of all things awesome) and lose myself.  So after my schooling by Pastor James - straight to my heart - yeah - I suck, need to change and need to change this minute.. . . . I did indulge myself in my passion.   I purchased amazing vegetables, fruits and meat.  and liver.  Offal is life.  The Jews know it.  They freaking live on it.  I had all 4 burners and the oven roaring.  Roasting bones.  making beef stock.  for the beef stew that is for dinner tonight.  I can lose myself.  But James is right.  Sin is snipping at my heels.  I am so small in light of my huge God.  Running isn't an option.  I am a runner and suddenly I don't want to?  revelation? yeah.  It's God saying - you can't outrun this.  

So I'm not running.  today.  I will tomorrow - even in the snow.  (okay a dusting but it's f'n cold here) I have to face this and own what I've allowed.  I have so many bad things I've let in slowly like that damn boiled frog.  But I own it.  And move forward.  Where is that?  Dunno.  And frankly - with the sun streaming though my french doors. . . . . I don't care.  Bring it.  I'm ready to cook it up - knit it and run - in a good way.  for something permanent.