okay so this is a blip on the map of the senses and while love is a feeling it is not a sense. so sorry to go all off topic but hey the writing goes where it wills. . . .
I can't do this any longer. frankly it's a weight I carry and the burden is too much. so like a scab, I slough it off and move on. I refuse to see one person in the shadow or better yet, light of another. We are all good at, and horrible at - different things at different times. We are all hero's and cowards in our own right. We all are sinners and saints - given a time or place. I have just been a fallen saint and fall I will no more. Not NOT NOT that I would ever call myself personally a saint. I am just a chosen instrument of God. THAT I know. Know KNow KNOw KNOW like I know my foot or hand or child. I know. But I have let HIM down and I need to stand up. Not for me but for HIM. For Him - because of Who he IS and for what He is.
I am tired of comparing. You can do this. You don't do this. You aren't into this, but you do this. You xyz but not pdq. UGH. It's tiring. If you don't fix cars and don't read books and don't like the movies I like are you less of a man? If You don't cook and suck at cleaning and like to make money more than being a mom are you a bad mom? If you would rather run and read and knit are you a bad person or if you like to shoot guns and download music and drive trucks are you bad? Okay. nuff said. I'm tired of comparing. We just are. different. I
I just got done rereading a book I read a number of years ago. On my elliptical. pre marathon. pre MOM's death. Pre job. Pre pre pre. A lot of things make sense now. I won't compare anyone to anyone ever again. We are all significant and valuable and my present Husband gets the long suffering ERIC award for loving someone really difficult to love. and I hope beyond anything that he realizes that I get it. I am a tough person to love and yet somehow he does. in spades.
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