Okay - I can ask one better . . . have you ever known a shooting star? Now, of course I'm speaking metaphorically since a star is a giant ball of gas - which is probably not someone or something you want to "know" per say - but I've personally known a shooting star and I can tell you - you know when you've been in their presence. Wayne. was and will always be to me a shooting star. He was physically and in personality a shooting star. There was no way this earth could contain this tornado - this Tasmanian devil - of a human without imploding or at least a small tsunami! He was that huge in person and persona. He was pretty much 14 months pregnant the most of the time I knew him and pretty much as tall.
He was addicted to everything - spoke in the Philly accent where he came from and knew the Bible back and forward - inside and out. He talked with his mouth full - sneezed the biggest booger onto my leg IN CHURCH! - and had a heart the size of Texas in the rain! He loved out loud - full on - no holds barred. He was an amazing Christian and a penitent sinner. He did nothing quietly. I mean nothing. He snored - in public - like a freakin freight train and I was pretty good at chucking olives into his open mouth at Thanksgiving dinners (aftermath that is).
And he died from a heart attack on his 48th birthday in the street in front of his house. Massive corollary. His heart just exploded basically. It makes sense - and then it doesn't. He left behind a new wife and 2 little (under 5 at the time) girls. He had started over in Southern WI with my then husband and myself who opened our home to him. He left 3 - almost adult - kids in PA and wanted to start over. But it makes sense - physically anyway.
There are people in your life for a season - for a reason - for a purpose - to show you something or to just be amazing. Wayne was amazing. Still is - since I believe people and their unique personalities live forever - somewhere (up or down as it were.)
I personally feel drawn to wanting to be on the shooting star side but choose to be star - light. I have so many destructive tendencies that would make me a statistic that I get the "tone it down sister" admonishments. I get being super introspective to the point of super egoism and outward facing as to being the martyr. I'm really seeking that balanced middle ground lately - where my footing is more sure and I know where I'm at.
Coming home from Wayne's funeral I was jacked up on white wine and Vicodin since I'd just had oral surgery. . . Tim and I came to a wide spot in the freeway and a star went from west to east across the night sky! We both sucked in enough air to empty the car and I said "bye Wayne!" He went back home. So did we. Very shell shocked and sad to lose someone as large as that. But he was too big - too much - too - too - too.
I can settle for just being me I guess. Too much of anything ends up being sickening. Balance. It's a good thing. I'm a Libra after all. LOL.
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