Shiny and NEW

I had never before understood why companies had their "end of YEAR" or even better - "start of YEAR" in any other month except the obvious - January.  January ONE to be exact.  That is logical and American and all things normal. Yeah.  I get it now.  You start when you say you want to start and it just somehow works.   Welcome to my NEW YEAR.  I'm new.  Not really - I'm not covered in meconium or blood nor have I recently been re-baptized - but this is my new year.  I always tried to pick an idea and/or topic for each year when everyone else is committing to a gym or a relationship or kissing someone random I would try to pick an idea to follow.  One year it was to knit everyday for a year.  Lasted about 4 days and then someone barfed on my project and I just lost interest.   The Chinese go bat-shit crazy at their New Year and that lasts like 14 days!  They even have cool special money.  I like that.  I want cool special money.

Why July you ask?  Well thank you random thought for asking why July?  I am a heat seeking missile named Katie.  When I say I am a sun junkie - I don't mean it like "yeah, I ski a little now and then and I guess I like golf a bit." If the sun is shining and it's above 80 degrees out I NEED to be out in it.  In a, "Hello, my name is Katie and I worship the sun on an obsessive level."   I crave it like a drug.  I've decided I am solar powered and that makes me look all "green" and shit.  If I were to die because of the sun or a sun related unpleasantness it would fit.  It would be like a sky diver crashing to earth and people then would say - well at least he died doing what he loved - or some equally stupid thing people say because they don't have a clue what to say in the face of death.  Though like the person who smokes two packs a day and drinks a quart of gin every day and lives to 93 and then gets hit by a bus - I'd like to say life is just that freaking random. . . .   I truly believe that the Jehovah, Yahweh JESUS God of both the old and the much hipper NEW testament TOTALLY rocks this place - I also am not so arrogant (right I just declared I KNOW who God is and I'm NOT being arrogant!!!) as to pretend to say I have any freaking clue what the Hell He's doing down here.  I like to think He's got a handle on things - what with being God and all but I also know that little kids die retrieving arrant balls in the street.  Life is just that random.  "So Debbie Downer," you may be asking - "what the heck does July and New Year have to do with anything?"  Well, Dear Reader take heart.  What I am proposing is that the word for this year - the word that is going to fit for my year - starting on this "SATAN'S BALL SACK" hot first day of July (and yes "Satan's ball sack hot" is a meteorological term - I'm certain they use it all the time on the weather channel) is "Regenerate."


I had been thinking about this a lot and tossed about some words that either made me sound like an anti aging campaign - Rejuvenate - Renew - Revive, or a Car Commercial - Re-invented - Re-engineered - Re-inspired.  I hit on Regenerate since like all of the other Re's I came up with it's an AGAIN thought.  This is NOT my first rodeo folks.  I'm 40 almost 3.  This block has been GONE around.  Yet, I get to do it all AGAIN.  THOUGH the beauty part is that THIS it - is a different it from the first time.  It's a different IT because I'm a different me.  I'm drastically different than I was 15 - 10 - 7 - even 2 years ago and I'm not just talking the crow's feet and laugh lines.  I'm flakier in some places and a lot tougher in others - but I'm still standing and people seem to still want to show up and love me everyday and that speaks volumes.   


Then there's "Generate."  It makes me think of a lot of things.  It sounds completely self-sufficient - like an alchemy of thoughts - something from nothing - a conception of what is totally new - uncharted and undiscovered but surprisingly -  has been there waiting all along.  


Also - it makes me think of something that was lost that is regenerated. Few things can pull this off successfully.  I choose to be one of them.  Join me.  

A little help here...

Okay so if you actually are reading this . . . and really who the hell besides myself am I saying this to?  But if this does actually factually hit said cyber universe and IF anyone in said universe spoke fluent Katie  . . . what I am asking is were I to do the Julie/Julia experience - a year of X dangerously - what would you say for me?  You know me.  (okay Katie - what do you do?)  I knit.  for comfort - for gifts - for peace with my ocd hands - for conquest (sort of - sorry NO MARY TUDOR'S HERE FOLKS) I knit for texture, fit, wearability, coolness and gift.  I am at a proverbial crossroads.  I won't go into tantalizing detail for you gossip mongers but I am NOT in love with the company I currently work for and am looking to roads less traveled.  I am on a quest.  For the next.  I started reading a book a few days ago that frankly I didn't want to after I read the back and realized WHAT her year of knitting dangerously entailed.  Dear LORD Jesus - poke me in the eye with a size ZERO - YUCK.   She was going to knit this horribly complicated and frankly down right insane to look at -  But that got me going.. .....  what could I do for a year and chronicle it?  I can't eat most things most humans can eat - I run with a broken toe so apparently all but dental pain side track me -  but what should I write about for a year?

The husband says the sky's the limit as long as I'm happy . . . Yeah envy me today - call me in a year.  Ask for Roger.  If he's still here - it worked.

I'm really looking for ideas.  something for a year.  If you read this - and I'll just pretend you do - chime in.  Please.  I love the people I work with - some more than others - but I'm out soon.  Call it a sabbatical - whatever you want - August is mine.  If I have to go back - I will.  Gladly since I said - people over company but really - I need a different.  Focus - status - title - you name it.  MRS. is great.  Love that.  Not rocking that boat.  But different stance.

SO my loves - what? Since I love you and am asking - what?  The sex for a year unfortunately has been done.  YES R.someone else claimed that and sadly already happened - Day late dollar short as my mom would say. . . BUT what would you read about if I actually did it - and advance book sales are all the rage I hear  LOL!

Love you all and if YOU are just two people who love me - I know I will love what you say.  I'm game if you will be my helpers - readers - idea gods.

I need a new horizon.  I refuse to use paradigm shift because my personal paradigm is more than shifted thank you very much.  I want to do something that challenges and stretches but makes me better as a human.  I want to do something but yet I have to be home for kids and dogs and errant men (okay man) who need me so no trips to Bali on my ticket.

So chime in.  Please?  Thanks and just sayin.

These are the people I know - I know - these are the people I know

Sorry - Sesame Street started the year I was born so It's kind a - ya know - IN ME.  I have some fond memories of babies and the tv - getting used to the new muppets (zoe and elmo et al. . . ) but what I most remember is the "can't we all get along" spirit - pre Rodney King.  There are just some people - I know - I know . . . who I just . . . know.  I may or may have not lived with them or may or may not have had relations (okay none of them did I have relations with - and seriously - I did not have relations with that woman . . . lol - OK bad Clinton joke.  ok - like there is any other kind?) really - what I am saying is how is it there are people you spend YEARS with and you are gone for a weekend and it's weird.  And people you have not seen in A MILLION YEARS (or so) and it's like - hey - how's tricks?  And it's like time NEVER FREAKING PASSED? You are just in step. 

How does that work? 

I have to believe in love at first sight if I believe that I can be friends with someone that I haven't seen in  . . . um 10 years?  yet she still gets it.  gets me - gets it all.  I mean friends on that level you don't just have out of the chute - I mean the - I love when you have something to say kind of friendship. 

And others - certainly.  My sweet D and T.  I miss you so very very much.  I am so wishing for that lottery hit to start the farm here! 

There are people who I cant wait to spend days with.  Teresa T. is certainly one.  I want to spend a day with her since I think she turned into someone amazing.  Someone to envy and enjoy. 

I spent High School in a daze - unfortunately reeling from abuse and psychological issues.  I am a survivor and glad for it since it makes me an open book for anyone to ask and I'm happy to help in any way I can but it made for a weird and uncomfortable experience in an ALREADY weird environment. 

All I can say is that I am so blessed and glad and fortunate and every other freaking adjective that describes joy to have friends who accept me and love me in my 50 shades of f'd upness.  Especially my sweet husband who has seen me at my worst and has brought out the worst in me.  This has not always been a happy rodeo.  If you know someone who was sexually abused as a child - you know someone with issues.  They don't just go away.  There are demons.  There are designs.  There are dentists . . . . but I digress . . .

yeah.  I gotta go to the dentist tuesday.  all of my fillings and my crowns need to be replaced.  THEN I start the implant process . . . Yeah "BULIMIA - dont try it - you won't like it . . .  "               it makes for huge dental bills later.  REAL!! though suicide would be cheaper.  I pick life.  always have.  I'm glad my sweet Roger gets it.  We don't (okay rarely) see eye to eye but he still can take my breath away and that is enough.  He's trying and so am I.  If anyone says marriage is easy I would bow at their feet because I've never seen it.  I worshiped my first husband and that ended.  Though thankfully we are still friends and I adore his new wife beyond words - Roger and I are in the "post honeymoon we are raising pre teen phase" that is not easy for anyone.   We are even kicking around a new one.  Though that is seriously up for debate! I'm not sold!!!  I am on this ride like it's a highway.  I am not really seeing an end result - just rest stops and gas up's.

The people I know.  The B's the D's and my T's and anyone I've had fun with - cried with or broken bread with or made blood on a floor with :D You know who you are.  you know I welcome you into my home at any day - in any form and like family with nothing in your pockets.  come.  I will feed you - nourish your soul and make sure you are loved.

These are the people I know - I know - these ARE the people I know.

50 shades of....

It's been a time times and half a time since I wrote or at least that's how it's felt.  The last time I was inspired I was blocked by my husbands time constraints on my account.  That did not end well. SO.  Today is kind of 50 shades of today. me.  I could write an angry nasty gram to the things that are under my skin today but I choose different. I choose a road that suits me  . . today. 

The knife feels so nice - comfortable in my hand.  It's razor sharp.  I know.  I just made it so.  German people make really nice things.  They understand function AND form.  I like that.  I am hungry.  Twitchy hungry even and I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it.  A drive to that certain store that sells it.  My family will  be horrified like they always are.  I want it.  Need it even.  Why I am not sure but really don't care - as a carnivore of the first sort it really doesn't matter I want it.  Pig is cheaper but I don't eat Pig.  Ever.  Jesus didn't and I just can't.  He didn't send shrimp or lobster over a cliff.  I just can't.  But Beef.  yeah.  that's what I need.  not a steak though.  I need more.  I need what matters.  Not a filter, not liver, not stomach not any muscle.  . . I need THE muscle.  Nothing but heart will satisfy.  Yes shrimp and ribs will follow but I need heart.  now.  I really don't know why.  I just NEEDED it.

Is it an important thing that I'm missing some weird iron suppliment or random nutrient? Perhaps.  Don't care.  I just needed it.  Why do certain foods compel and then repel people?  It's so interesting to me.  I will try anything but chow mein noodles since as a child I ate rancid ones and can't ever and that one bad tequila weekend . . . but besides that . . . . I have wheat intolerance and lactose intolerance so there's a lot I just can't do but what I can I am so game for.  I don't understand grown people who won't even do the "no thank you bite" which is what I made my kids do.  really?  try it.  once if home cooked and then again professionally cooked - it may be better.  I've had bad REALLY bad liver.  and amazing liver yum inducing - happy  noise inducing.  yes.  liver.  it is possible.  trust me.  heart is better.  WAY better.  but no one eats it.  I don't understand.  Why is it a shoulder or ass or leg is "OK" but the heart is gross?   Or the tongue?  really?  Tongue is amazing and not just in person :D really it's a great cut but WE as stupid American's don't try.  I'm trying to be a bigger person this year.  Bigger mom - bigger wife - bigger writer and certainly bigger runner.  I want to get faster - closer to the bone.  More in tune with who I am as a woman.  I certainly love where I am - geographically - personally is harder - I'm a harsh critic.  I want to be more but have to still the voices in my head and decide who to follow.  I want to be way more.  There may be a degree or two on the forefront.  and perhaps a new life.  maybe.  again.  50.

and you are . . .

This is sort of on the theme of my previous posts but not really = and why exactly does it take water - a sharp object and alcohol for me to figure this shit out - okay I was taking a bath and shaving things but hello? TON o BRICKS moment.  I was remembering an earlier in the day conversation from someone who was telling me about this "lady" from town that bragged constantly about her running time etc . . she wanted to get in the paper everytime she ran . . . . she was bragging about her 10 mile time and it was ( ironically 10 minutes slower than my time the day before) and I suddenly got all offended.  not as a runner but for some reason as a knitter and I was like HUH? what the hell does this have to do with knitting?  And then it hit me.  She was hitting a part of who I am but not the real "WHO I AM."  Of course I love Jesus and HE is LORD.  Understood. BUT the me who is uniquely KATIE is a KNITTER who also RUNS.  I am so OCD I can't NOT workout.  I've done ellipical machines cuz I can knit on them.  Bikes cuz I can knit on them.  But running was just me and road and a goal.  Marathon.  CHECK.  much like that really complicated cabled sweater pattern. check.  I run because I can. and it serves that purpose.  I'm 42 and can wear clothes I've worn forever. 3 kids not a factor.  I run because it's a great burn and I like being sweaty when it's already 100 degrees and humid.  I run because I enjoy the feeling of my heartbeat in my ears and music that I hear only from memory.

But I knit because I crave it.  I crave my hands and head and heart meeting as one and doing what I say.  I knit because it's who I am.  I am a runner.  But I am a knitter who runs.  there is a difference.  And if you are a knitter who also does something else - you know what I mean.  OR if you are a "fill in the blank" who runs you also understand.  There is passion and there is passion lite.  It just is. Well gotta fly - doing a half marathon in the morning and then got a date with Home Depot - yeah.  My weekend.

Learning to Fry - cuz I ain't got wings . . . coming down . . . . is the hardest thing

Okay so Tom Petty can sue me any damn time but it fit so I choose to rock it thank You.   SO you all know me and that the five things that make me truly happy (as in activities - not people) are not necessarily in order 1. knitting 2. having sex 3. cooking 4. running 5. writing.  going to the store to buy things to do number 3 would be of course like 3a and if it's in my super amazing "crazy grocery store" like we call it - it is most certainly nirvana.  So we were engaged fully in 3a with my sweet Aislinn who said - "hey mom, do you think we could like you know, make real fries - you know like real french fries?"  Okay.  challenge placed.  challenge met.  I am a Good Eats SLAVE - okay Alton - if you are out there and want to leave Georgia to be with me - I'm in Virginia - bring it food geek!  Having just watched the "don't fear frying" show from like 2001 of his GE historical shows  I was well versed in the double frying method.  We bought it all.  Except the shitty "already own it" baby deep fryer.  Let's just say the fries turned out just fine.  That shitty deep fryer is now on it's way to a better home since I need to do more than 4 fries at a time.  It so totally worked.  Yes - but hour 3 into 3 potatoes is way more patient than I personally have. So BYE and good riddence.  BUT the peanut oil is saved and in the fridge.  check.


BUT I have to say the double frying method that all good restaurants use is valid.  Pomme Frittes only get that cool moniker because they are truly yummy when done right.  AND if I can use this side bar as a " If you won't try something good I don't trust you."  then I will.


  I am truly sorry for kids who's parents made them eat bad liver.  And I do mean that  - since the Liver that I make for myself and ONLY myself makes me - upon delivery into my mouth - make sounds I only make into the deepest of soul kisses or orgasmmmm!!!  I make that Young Frankenstein - yummy sound.  I am not going to make that yummy sound for something not yummy.  Not instinctual - so No NO NO liver is not yucky.  just buy fresh and don't over cook.  I'm sorry though - I don't eat pork so it's beef or veal only.  I would bet pork is just as good but I'll trust you on this one.  and so we move on.  I just so live to cook and make things so I guess it's the basic things I crave.  Food, wine and clothing.   If we are covered - fed and have a good wine buzz going it's pretty much nirvana for me.  Now when Roger looks into the food processor and realizes it's pate it will be perfect . . . .  :D  yessssssssss   and we have horrified.  I can go to bed chuckling and happy.  yum.