It's been a time times and half a time since I wrote or at least that's how it's felt. The last time I was inspired I was blocked by my husbands time constraints on my account. That did not end well. SO. Today is kind of 50 shades of today. me. I could write an angry nasty gram to the things that are under my skin today but I choose different. I choose a road that suits me . . today.
The knife feels so nice - comfortable in my hand. It's razor sharp. I know. I just made it so. German people make really nice things. They understand function AND form. I like that. I am hungry. Twitchy hungry even and I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it. A drive to that certain store that sells it. My family will be horrified like they always are. I want it. Need it even. Why I am not sure but really don't care - as a carnivore of the first sort it really doesn't matter I want it. Pig is cheaper but I don't eat Pig. Ever. Jesus didn't and I just can't. He didn't send shrimp or lobster over a cliff. I just can't. But Beef. yeah. that's what I need. not a steak though. I need more. I need what matters. Not a filter, not liver, not stomach not any muscle. . . I need THE muscle. Nothing but heart will satisfy. Yes shrimp and ribs will follow but I need heart. now. I really don't know why. I just NEEDED it.
Is it an important thing that I'm missing some weird iron suppliment or random nutrient? Perhaps. Don't care. I just needed it. Why do certain foods compel and then repel people? It's so interesting to me. I will try anything but chow mein noodles since as a child I ate rancid ones and can't ever and that one bad tequila weekend . . . but besides that . . . . I have wheat intolerance and lactose intolerance so there's a lot I just can't do but what I can I am so game for. I don't understand grown people who won't even do the "no thank you bite" which is what I made my kids do. really? try it. once if home cooked and then again professionally cooked - it may be better. I've had bad REALLY bad liver. and amazing liver yum inducing - happy noise inducing. yes. liver. it is possible. trust me. heart is better. WAY better. but no one eats it. I don't understand. Why is it a shoulder or ass or leg is "OK" but the heart is gross? Or the tongue? really? Tongue is amazing and not just in person :D really it's a great cut but WE as stupid American's don't try. I'm trying to be a bigger person this year. Bigger mom - bigger wife - bigger writer and certainly bigger runner. I want to get faster - closer to the bone. More in tune with who I am as a woman. I certainly love where I am - geographically - personally is harder - I'm a harsh critic. I want to be more but have to still the voices in my head and decide who to follow. I want to be way more. There may be a degree or two on the forefront. and perhaps a new life. maybe. again. 50.
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