heavy lifting

being a parent is the hardest fucking job on the planet - to date.  at least for me.  It sucked the life out of my boobs.  FOR REAL.  36 C to a 34 B at best.

It has also messed with my brain.  I used to LOVE horror movies.  really.  really really.  LOVED that shit.  then I had humans that I care about come out of me and then the universe shifted and it was all about what happened to them.  I NOW can NOT understand PAYING to be scared when the news on TV for free freaks me the hell out!!!!  I am now totally suspect of you if you can actually watch a horror flick and not care.  I can barely watch Criminal Minds without freaking.

Being a full time parent for THREE amazing but totally different and at most times DIFFICULT humans is challenging and also the most humanizing thing ever.  If you have kids - pay attention - wanna see your worst traits?  there they are. Full force - in play and making fun of how cool you thought you were.   maybe if you are lucky you will see your good ones too.

here's where it gets hard.  Divorce the spouse you had these kids with.  And then see your spouse in your kids  My son is my ex - physically.  He's all crazy curly hair and suddenly skinny though he eats me out of a fridge in day!!!   And it makes me smile.  I remember being young.  My son is so sweet.  He's a different egg.  Asperger's makes him different but loving.  I love my son so much.  My daughters are more like me but also different.  Trinity acts independent and smart but craves attention and love.  Yeah.  Me.

Aislinn is PURE Sullivan.   creative - dramatic - fun and social.  She is super sweet - but has explosive emotions.  She - like her sister need to be given daily love and affirmation.   Good thing I'm here.

I love the parents I have and GOD knows I've made a truck load of mistakes.. . but I know my kids.

I don't think my parents knew what to do with me and my siblings.  God knows I barely know what to do with my kids and I have had a train load of education and support and psychobabble.

Personally I think to be a parent you have to unplug yourself and your personality and YET also realize that you are part of this.  You and what you do - say and are part of - impacts who these humans in your house turn into.  You have to let them be who they are and want to be but also inject your subtle influence.  SUBTLE being the ultimate word.  I have learned that being a HEAVY handed parent turns your kids into the opposite of what you think is good.  Tim (the ex) always said - play music loud and be weird and your kids will end up normal.  I like that approach.  As young parents we spoke to our kids like adults - played music loud and didn't pretend like we were not in charge.  I have some pretty great kids if I can be so bold to say.  They are all now in Middle School and Liam starts High School in September.  I'm proud of my kids.  I love them more than O2 because they are the best and worst of me and Tim.  They are part of my Midwest life and now thriving here in VA.  I love Virginia.  It is amazing.  I don't know anywhere I would rather be except maybe TX or FL.  This state is amazing.

Just sayin.  But being a parent is the heaviest of heavy lifting.  and also the lightest.  :D