a long time ago

So a long time ago in a galaxy.......  Jeez.  I wish I had a Galaxy.  Flat black. 5 speed.  frankengearshift. yum.

Sorry.  I like old cars.  Especially of the Ford variety.  ugh sidebar.

So a long time ago - even before I knew who Anthony Bourdain was.  Yeah that long ago.  I was a nursing mother and my then Husband and father to my progeny preached in our then church aka "cult of the holy reproduction."  His sermon was called - "Where is your passion?"  A fantastic and beautiful question.  I'm not sure if he's found his.  I most certainly haven't found mine.  I've certainly been passionate ABOUT things.  I really love God.  I really don't think abortion is great but unless you've been a scared woman/girl with no one to back her nor offer her help to make right on the life she is carrying you better shut up and not judge her.  I was both judge and jury once.  And then I was humbled.  just sayin.  don't judge anybody.  let God do that.  we are here to love.  R vs W was 40 this last week and I really hate that.  but then.  it's not all that important.  If God's people rise up and make places for these women to feel safe and loved.  Abortion - though legal would not even be an issue.  Just because someone CAN do something doesn't mean they will if the LIGHT shines brighter than the dark and seemingly -  only choice.

Sorry. Again.  Passion.

T.  asked this congregation to think about what they valued.  and really.  This is still an uber valuable question.  And one that still to this day some (gah. almost 13 years) later resonates within me.  I'm not saying what do you like.  I'm talking passion.  What makes you moan?  even if it's not in a sexual way but in a oh my GOD this tastes/smells/is so interesting/is so beautiful/look at the photo of that tree I just took/pintrest/ sort of way. . .

Okay if you are just joining us.  I can't eat most food.  I'm lactose intolerant so Dairy is out most days.  I'm currently out of the product called "Lactaid which does allow me "SORT OF" to eat SOME dairy (okay a tiny bit if truth be told - personally I think it's crap since I still get sick so I've stopped buying it.) and I can't eat wheat, oats nor grains.   I'm thinking buckwheat may be a go and may give it a shot.  But I can't eat bread/pizza/sandwiches/noodles/pasta/happiness/sunshine/freaking ponies nor unicorns.

I drink/eat my body weight daily in wine and rice.  I live on them almost exclusively.  and then there is that one thing.

that one.  beef heart.  ANGELS ARE SINGING > > > > > no?    Repulsed you are?  I challenge anyone to try my MY personal beef heart recipe and NOT like it.  MONEY back guarantee. How do I know it's good?  My 11 year old daughter tried it on a dare and now will eat it faster than I can.  SHE actually asks me to make it.   I make it taste like the leanest steak you will ever taste but it's mouth feel is so amazing.  I use marrow bones.  and roast them for a very very long time.  It doesn't have to be complicated but. . . . the question was - where is your passion.  My passion is making offal. . . not.

My heart is in this.  I crave it.  I wake up some mornings and crave PHO.  really.  if you have never had it.  find it.  your city has to have it.  chances are it's pho 234,pho 56, pho 456.  It's an address thing.  Get the fish soup.  get the big bowl.  thank me later.  it will feed more than your stomach.  your senses  - the ones that you forgot about.  your passion if you will - will awaken.  Thank me later and either dedicate it to me or name it after me.  whatever.  knit me something.  whatever.

so my passion?  guess what?  still don't know.  maybe it's what I'm doing right this happy happy second.  drinking cheap wine. writing and spilling what I think I know to the unsuspecting but seemingly receptive public.  I'd be a porn star if I had a) nice tits. and b) see A.  and was maybe 20 years younger.  OH and I didn't have kids.  and could only do it with my beloved.  yeah there's that.  So well shucks.  that I guess disqualifies me.  darn.  So hoping to never teach school in my later life.

so I guess.  the question still is hanging like ripe fruit from a late summer tree. . . what is your passion?  what do you personally make time for and then complain you don't THEN have time for?  If you want to be slimmer and then sit in front of a TV/Computer whatever and eat and then bitch you are too fat and don't have time to work out?  lie.

get out and unplug and go for a freaking walk.  it's too cold?  get a hat.

I sound bitchy but I broke things a while ago.  I get the "can't" run.  I still went for a bike ride.  I still did sit ups.  why?  it's my passion.  I ran a marathon.  yeah.  my one.  I didn't like the process.  maybe will again when kids are in college.  I get obsessed.  I can make my body do things it's not so happy to do but does anyway.  but I get selfish in the process.  So?  I limit myself to 40 miles a week and then we stop.  and 100 miles on the bike.  you realize I'm home 24/7 when I get outside job all bets are off .  . . depending on whether I'm a personal trainer.  or not.  kidding.  not really.  lol  That is a passion.  I like pushing my body to limits and knowing what I can and cannot do.  Heights?  Not my thing.  Spinning?  not my thing.  Weird food?  bring it.

So again.  My 11 year old daughter craves my personal version of heart.  tell me it is not awesome?

I want to share.  but huh?  maybe I don't .  Oxtails.  One of my personal absolute favorites.  are suddenly going up in price.  DAMN it.

DON'T eat Beef Heart.  It's horrible.  stay away.  lol.

I bought Kitchen Confidential.  And read it for the 5th time.  but this time it's mine.  I want to write.  and then be on TV.  or the radio.  let's be honest - I have a face for radio.    but I give some good voice.

I can talk.  If you've spent 5 minutes with me you know I can talk.  I may be a bit nervous and awkward, but I can talk.

Where is your passion?

I run.  I knit.  I like beads.  I love God/Jesus.  I love my family.  I love sex.  I love wine and good food that I've made. And I love what I'm doing right this second.  I'm sharing what I think with the universe. I really would love if a million people got this - but I know it's more like 5.  and that is beautiful.

where is your YOUR passion?  find it.  it really is important.  it may not become your job/employment but it's super important to who you are.  you really need to know.

just sayin.