Chopsticks Rock

Yeah.  Purple thumb thanks to the freezer at work.  6 weeks ago.  So random thoughts continue tonight.. . . Chopsticks.  Roger and I are kid-less for approximately 6 weeks.  This was a bad thing last year since I decided to have a total nervous breakdown.  Working in reverse order - My kids left me to stay with their dad and his new wife for the first time people didn't need me to exist, Roger's mom (who lived with us for a year and relied on us for pretty much every freaking thing and was hard to be with because I'd never met her before) died.  It was weird on levels I won't go into because I don't want to hurt Roger nor his sweet family but suffice it to say I still have nightmares.  We moved to VA because my sweet man lost a job - and then a great company YES IT'S FREDDIE MAC - moved us lock stock and lemon tree (yes it's thriving!!)  Thank you sweet JESUS they did that because we were going to lose our townhouse.  My son spent a month in "lock down hospital" because we really didn't know Aspberger's was real.  (sidenote - it is.) I met a man I fell in love with in 2 weeks after I filed for divorce on the love of my life - my (then)husband and I parted ways . . .  Whew.  Reverse isn't how my brain works.  really I'm only a forward thinker.  The past is so hard since - like a weed - it wants to stay rooted and since it's only our perspective it may (is) a bit skewed.

So chopsticks.  This year is the year of regeneration as I stated in a previous post.  I love the fact that this is actually printed on the chopsticks.  I quote, "tuk under tnurub and held firmly - add second shopstick hold it as you a pencil.  hold tirst chopstick in original position move the second ong up and down Now you tan pick up anything."  Omg.  that is beautiful.  I tan pick up anything because I've been eating with chopsticks (I'm so picky about what kinds I stock) for 15 years now.  Almost exclusively.  They really make so much more sense.  You pierce nothing and can eat hot and sour soup with nothing more than a spoon and sticks.  Or maybe it's the stick thing.  I'm a knitter.  I've actually knit with chopsticks.  It's kind of a something useful out of nothing that makes my heart beat faster.  noodles are kind of like stringy yarn . .  . yeah it makes sense.

so. this year.  Nobody goes crazy.  I'm both on it and floating.  I'm in a holding pattern of sorts but I'm going to school for a Master's degree in Adult Education and Training since really what do I like more than the sound of my own voice teaching?  If you've met me - that is too too freakin true.  I want to train adults.  And sweet B - a master's would get me a gig in our library system.  Thanks to you I know that now.  :D

These posts will also offer a challenge if you want.  Eat with chopsticks exclusively for a whole week.  It will slow you down if you have an issue with food ("Are you big boned?" aka fat?) or if you just eat too fast.  I used to not eat during the day and be starving and literally make myself sick because I would eat too fast.  Chopsticks at the start will fix that - short of soup I'm now just as fast.  Try it.  Get good at it and then switch hands- wait - don't  - you will starve.  LOL.  Love you all.  And if you get to make or see Fireworks - enjoy.

The Vapors

I have been drawn to the Steampunk look for years but have never really explored it since - well - it's a bit of a commitment.  Like a tattoo,  if you are inked, well, you have ink.  You are tattooed.  Now - there are the wee little (ooooh just get my palm tree over with Jessie - I need to get back to Tony at the Tiki bar) and then there's INK.  I like to think I have Ink.  Committed and totally hooked but I can interview nicely.  Nothing up the ear -  nothing on the knuckles - I can still pass as normal.  But I love my look.  I don't have anything I apologize for.  I've covered a few things but well this isn't about ink it's about an idea.

Steampunk.

I'm a huge Jules Vern fan.  Much like some people get into Renaissance Faires (yes please) or Comic Con . . . I would do Steampunk or even Swing but that's another look and another post.  The Victorian Era is appealing on so many levels -  IN FREAKING RETROSPECT!  I like my modern plumbing and underwire bra thankyouverysecretmuch! It's a great look - but frankly googles and clockwork parts don't really fit my job nor life.  But I think what I like the most is it's a mismatched blend of what is cool from the past (yeah my version of cool) and what's cool from the future that never was - (again - my version).  I do mismatched SO WELL I should have coined the phrase.  I like taking my today and retooling it to a version that fits.  I have been the Harleychick - short skirt - boots to the knee - pony tail mama AND the Business Woman in the tailored skirt and Louis purse.  Still me.  Still inked and pierced.  I like the dichotomy.  I like Steampunk because it shouldn't work.  It shouldn't make sense - And yet it does.  Like a Magritte painting - it works because it's the unexpected but really not.  You expect me to say one thing because you view me as mommy Christian whatever and when I say the smart witty Python comment - it shocks you.  I'm okay with that now since I'm 43 (almost years) into it.  I still believe I'm in the meaning of life age - til October anyway.  I was an old soul - too smart for my paygrade - I'm ready to transcend.  More on my life choice - or at least schooling decision (thanks Roger!) later, but I'm going back to school.    


Oh and music choice to hear this is Rush's Vapor Trails.  


Really! - a word like "Vapors" gets stuck in my head and I need to follow it down the proverbial Rabbit Hole and it made me think of "getting the vapor's" like the Victorian's actually thought melancholy was a real condition.  Now, we have prozac for that.  LOL.  


Really, I personally think the vapor's were better. 

Shiny and NEW

I had never before understood why companies had their "end of YEAR" or even better - "start of YEAR" in any other month except the obvious - January.  January ONE to be exact.  That is logical and American and all things normal. Yeah.  I get it now.  You start when you say you want to start and it just somehow works.   Welcome to my NEW YEAR.  I'm new.  Not really - I'm not covered in meconium or blood nor have I recently been re-baptized - but this is my new year.  I always tried to pick an idea and/or topic for each year when everyone else is committing to a gym or a relationship or kissing someone random I would try to pick an idea to follow.  One year it was to knit everyday for a year.  Lasted about 4 days and then someone barfed on my project and I just lost interest.   The Chinese go bat-shit crazy at their New Year and that lasts like 14 days!  They even have cool special money.  I like that.  I want cool special money.

Why July you ask?  Well thank you random thought for asking why July?  I am a heat seeking missile named Katie.  When I say I am a sun junkie - I don't mean it like "yeah, I ski a little now and then and I guess I like golf a bit." If the sun is shining and it's above 80 degrees out I NEED to be out in it.  In a, "Hello, my name is Katie and I worship the sun on an obsessive level."   I crave it like a drug.  I've decided I am solar powered and that makes me look all "green" and shit.  If I were to die because of the sun or a sun related unpleasantness it would fit.  It would be like a sky diver crashing to earth and people then would say - well at least he died doing what he loved - or some equally stupid thing people say because they don't have a clue what to say in the face of death.  Though like the person who smokes two packs a day and drinks a quart of gin every day and lives to 93 and then gets hit by a bus - I'd like to say life is just that freaking random. . . .   I truly believe that the Jehovah, Yahweh JESUS God of both the old and the much hipper NEW testament TOTALLY rocks this place - I also am not so arrogant (right I just declared I KNOW who God is and I'm NOT being arrogant!!!) as to pretend to say I have any freaking clue what the Hell He's doing down here.  I like to think He's got a handle on things - what with being God and all but I also know that little kids die retrieving arrant balls in the street.  Life is just that random.  "So Debbie Downer," you may be asking - "what the heck does July and New Year have to do with anything?"  Well, Dear Reader take heart.  What I am proposing is that the word for this year - the word that is going to fit for my year - starting on this "SATAN'S BALL SACK" hot first day of July (and yes "Satan's ball sack hot" is a meteorological term - I'm certain they use it all the time on the weather channel) is "Regenerate."


I had been thinking about this a lot and tossed about some words that either made me sound like an anti aging campaign - Rejuvenate - Renew - Revive, or a Car Commercial - Re-invented - Re-engineered - Re-inspired.  I hit on Regenerate since like all of the other Re's I came up with it's an AGAIN thought.  This is NOT my first rodeo folks.  I'm 40 almost 3.  This block has been GONE around.  Yet, I get to do it all AGAIN.  THOUGH the beauty part is that THIS it - is a different it from the first time.  It's a different IT because I'm a different me.  I'm drastically different than I was 15 - 10 - 7 - even 2 years ago and I'm not just talking the crow's feet and laugh lines.  I'm flakier in some places and a lot tougher in others - but I'm still standing and people seem to still want to show up and love me everyday and that speaks volumes.   


Then there's "Generate."  It makes me think of a lot of things.  It sounds completely self-sufficient - like an alchemy of thoughts - something from nothing - a conception of what is totally new - uncharted and undiscovered but surprisingly -  has been there waiting all along.  


Also - it makes me think of something that was lost that is regenerated. Few things can pull this off successfully.  I choose to be one of them.  Join me.  

A little help here...

Okay so if you actually are reading this . . . and really who the hell besides myself am I saying this to?  But if this does actually factually hit said cyber universe and IF anyone in said universe spoke fluent Katie  . . . what I am asking is were I to do the Julie/Julia experience - a year of X dangerously - what would you say for me?  You know me.  (okay Katie - what do you do?)  I knit.  for comfort - for gifts - for peace with my ocd hands - for conquest (sort of - sorry NO MARY TUDOR'S HERE FOLKS) I knit for texture, fit, wearability, coolness and gift.  I am at a proverbial crossroads.  I won't go into tantalizing detail for you gossip mongers but I am NOT in love with the company I currently work for and am looking to roads less traveled.  I am on a quest.  For the next.  I started reading a book a few days ago that frankly I didn't want to after I read the back and realized WHAT her year of knitting dangerously entailed.  Dear LORD Jesus - poke me in the eye with a size ZERO - YUCK.   She was going to knit this horribly complicated and frankly down right insane to look at -  But that got me going.. .....  what could I do for a year and chronicle it?  I can't eat most things most humans can eat - I run with a broken toe so apparently all but dental pain side track me -  but what should I write about for a year?

The husband says the sky's the limit as long as I'm happy . . . Yeah envy me today - call me in a year.  Ask for Roger.  If he's still here - it worked.

I'm really looking for ideas.  something for a year.  If you read this - and I'll just pretend you do - chime in.  Please.  I love the people I work with - some more than others - but I'm out soon.  Call it a sabbatical - whatever you want - August is mine.  If I have to go back - I will.  Gladly since I said - people over company but really - I need a different.  Focus - status - title - you name it.  MRS. is great.  Love that.  Not rocking that boat.  But different stance.

SO my loves - what? Since I love you and am asking - what?  The sex for a year unfortunately has been done.  YES R.someone else claimed that and sadly already happened - Day late dollar short as my mom would say. . . BUT what would you read about if I actually did it - and advance book sales are all the rage I hear  LOL!

Love you all and if YOU are just two people who love me - I know I will love what you say.  I'm game if you will be my helpers - readers - idea gods.

I need a new horizon.  I refuse to use paradigm shift because my personal paradigm is more than shifted thank you very much.  I want to do something that challenges and stretches but makes me better as a human.  I want to do something but yet I have to be home for kids and dogs and errant men (okay man) who need me so no trips to Bali on my ticket.

So chime in.  Please?  Thanks and just sayin.

These are the people I know - I know - these are the people I know

Sorry - Sesame Street started the year I was born so It's kind a - ya know - IN ME.  I have some fond memories of babies and the tv - getting used to the new muppets (zoe and elmo et al. . . ) but what I most remember is the "can't we all get along" spirit - pre Rodney King.  There are just some people - I know - I know . . . who I just . . . know.  I may or may have not lived with them or may or may not have had relations (okay none of them did I have relations with - and seriously - I did not have relations with that woman . . . lol - OK bad Clinton joke.  ok - like there is any other kind?) really - what I am saying is how is it there are people you spend YEARS with and you are gone for a weekend and it's weird.  And people you have not seen in A MILLION YEARS (or so) and it's like - hey - how's tricks?  And it's like time NEVER FREAKING PASSED? You are just in step. 

How does that work? 

I have to believe in love at first sight if I believe that I can be friends with someone that I haven't seen in  . . . um 10 years?  yet she still gets it.  gets me - gets it all.  I mean friends on that level you don't just have out of the chute - I mean the - I love when you have something to say kind of friendship. 

And others - certainly.  My sweet D and T.  I miss you so very very much.  I am so wishing for that lottery hit to start the farm here! 

There are people who I cant wait to spend days with.  Teresa T. is certainly one.  I want to spend a day with her since I think she turned into someone amazing.  Someone to envy and enjoy. 

I spent High School in a daze - unfortunately reeling from abuse and psychological issues.  I am a survivor and glad for it since it makes me an open book for anyone to ask and I'm happy to help in any way I can but it made for a weird and uncomfortable experience in an ALREADY weird environment. 

All I can say is that I am so blessed and glad and fortunate and every other freaking adjective that describes joy to have friends who accept me and love me in my 50 shades of f'd upness.  Especially my sweet husband who has seen me at my worst and has brought out the worst in me.  This has not always been a happy rodeo.  If you know someone who was sexually abused as a child - you know someone with issues.  They don't just go away.  There are demons.  There are designs.  There are dentists . . . . but I digress . . .

yeah.  I gotta go to the dentist tuesday.  all of my fillings and my crowns need to be replaced.  THEN I start the implant process . . . Yeah "BULIMIA - dont try it - you won't like it . . .  "               it makes for huge dental bills later.  REAL!! though suicide would be cheaper.  I pick life.  always have.  I'm glad my sweet Roger gets it.  We don't (okay rarely) see eye to eye but he still can take my breath away and that is enough.  He's trying and so am I.  If anyone says marriage is easy I would bow at their feet because I've never seen it.  I worshiped my first husband and that ended.  Though thankfully we are still friends and I adore his new wife beyond words - Roger and I are in the "post honeymoon we are raising pre teen phase" that is not easy for anyone.   We are even kicking around a new one.  Though that is seriously up for debate! I'm not sold!!!  I am on this ride like it's a highway.  I am not really seeing an end result - just rest stops and gas up's.

The people I know.  The B's the D's and my T's and anyone I've had fun with - cried with or broken bread with or made blood on a floor with :D You know who you are.  you know I welcome you into my home at any day - in any form and like family with nothing in your pockets.  come.  I will feed you - nourish your soul and make sure you are loved.

These are the people I know - I know - these ARE the people I know.

50 shades of....

It's been a time times and half a time since I wrote or at least that's how it's felt.  The last time I was inspired I was blocked by my husbands time constraints on my account.  That did not end well. SO.  Today is kind of 50 shades of today. me.  I could write an angry nasty gram to the things that are under my skin today but I choose different. I choose a road that suits me  . . today. 

The knife feels so nice - comfortable in my hand.  It's razor sharp.  I know.  I just made it so.  German people make really nice things.  They understand function AND form.  I like that.  I am hungry.  Twitchy hungry even and I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it.  A drive to that certain store that sells it.  My family will  be horrified like they always are.  I want it.  Need it even.  Why I am not sure but really don't care - as a carnivore of the first sort it really doesn't matter I want it.  Pig is cheaper but I don't eat Pig.  Ever.  Jesus didn't and I just can't.  He didn't send shrimp or lobster over a cliff.  I just can't.  But Beef.  yeah.  that's what I need.  not a steak though.  I need more.  I need what matters.  Not a filter, not liver, not stomach not any muscle.  . . I need THE muscle.  Nothing but heart will satisfy.  Yes shrimp and ribs will follow but I need heart.  now.  I really don't know why.  I just NEEDED it.

Is it an important thing that I'm missing some weird iron suppliment or random nutrient? Perhaps.  Don't care.  I just needed it.  Why do certain foods compel and then repel people?  It's so interesting to me.  I will try anything but chow mein noodles since as a child I ate rancid ones and can't ever and that one bad tequila weekend . . . but besides that . . . . I have wheat intolerance and lactose intolerance so there's a lot I just can't do but what I can I am so game for.  I don't understand grown people who won't even do the "no thank you bite" which is what I made my kids do.  really?  try it.  once if home cooked and then again professionally cooked - it may be better.  I've had bad REALLY bad liver.  and amazing liver yum inducing - happy  noise inducing.  yes.  liver.  it is possible.  trust me.  heart is better.  WAY better.  but no one eats it.  I don't understand.  Why is it a shoulder or ass or leg is "OK" but the heart is gross?   Or the tongue?  really?  Tongue is amazing and not just in person :D really it's a great cut but WE as stupid American's don't try.  I'm trying to be a bigger person this year.  Bigger mom - bigger wife - bigger writer and certainly bigger runner.  I want to get faster - closer to the bone.  More in tune with who I am as a woman.  I certainly love where I am - geographically - personally is harder - I'm a harsh critic.  I want to be more but have to still the voices in my head and decide who to follow.  I want to be way more.  There may be a degree or two on the forefront.  and perhaps a new life.  maybe.  again.  50.